GRACE GRACE GRACE GRACE GRACE

(Old news, but I wanted to post something.)

I wonder how many adopted girls/women have been saddled with this name? Well, here’s one more: The little girl delivered in the back of an ambulance by a fireman has been adopted by the fireman and his wife. Grace is her middle name, but they’re going to call her by it. You know, in case she ever forgets how lucky she is and asks too many questions.

“We have never hidden it from her,” Marc told “Today.” “If you ask her where she was born, she says, ‘My daddy delivered me in the back of an ambulance.’ She knows the whole story. I wanted her to know as soon as she was old enough to understand.”

Sir, that…is NOT the whole story. Her story began when her mother got pregnant, just like yours did.

His wife says they wanted more children,

“But I was pre-term with [my biological sons], so we knew that it wasn’t possible to have anymore babies.”

I do not know what that means. Can anyone explain it?

Hero Fireman added: “I don’t even think about her being adopted. She’s ours and we love her.”

And your not thinking about it (because you don’t give a fuck about her mother or where she came from) means she’ll never think about it, right? That grace god reserves for adoptive parents truly is amazing.

Why don’t they start calling all the male adoptees Lucky? It’s the same damned thing.

Kill a Kid, Run to New Zealand

Oh look, another little boy who hurt himself to death like Max Shatto did. I don’t want to read another damned word about how people who can have their own children but “can’t” raise them are privileged over those who can afford to purchase someone else’s child, especially if they choose to feed him honey instead of taking him to a doctor, make his care a sixteen-year-old’s problem, blame him and his mother for his own death, and then have the gall to beg for funeral money before bugging out to New Zealand.

And I don’t want to read one word on this blog about how biological parents do this too. They do, and it’s horrible, but adoptive parents are being entrusted with someone else’s child, and that means they should be held to a higher standard. Obviously no parents of any ilk should be allowed to get away with this.

Seven -year-old Seth “ultimately died from an inflamed pancreas and blood disease.” His APs “had issues with going to doctors.”

The very first sentence

…of this article about transracial adoption begins with the phrase “Adoption, like parenting…”

Dear people who write about adoption: STOP IT. Stop assuring us adoption is exactly like raising biological children out of one side of your mouth and saying this shit out of the other. We hear you. We see you. And adopted children who are supposed to be “helped” by this article see and hear you.

Both dads say honesty is important while raising your kids.

If you honestly don’t think adoption is parenting, Dana Kozlov, then don’t write articles about adoption. You’re not helping.

Stuff People Who Know Who Their Blood Relatives Are Say

Parenthood Requires Love, Not DNA!

PRLND is the name of a Facebook Group. You can click the link if you want, or you can take my word for how awful it is. It’s page after page of disembodied baby feet being held in disembodied adult hands, and posts about how love knows no color, and god’s plan, and how giving up a baby is not giving up a baby, and how Moses was adopted and every other nauseating trigger I or other adult adoptees have ever discussed. But this image took the motherfucking biscuit. Look at it. LOOK AT IT:

Sacrificing family is for adoptees and their original families. So is sacrificing your heart: The adopted will love who they are told to love and like it. Dignity? Are you SHITTING me? Adoptions are all about the loss of dignity–but not for youuu, you special, special parents who know DNA has nothing to do with love but also know who you are and where you come from.

Fuck you all with rusty rakes. Doesn’t cognitive dissonance ever reach a conscious level with you people?!

Make-Believe Make Believe is Too Damned Real

I’ve been writing this blog on no particular schedule for over five years now (I can’t believe it either). Sometimes I go dark for month after month, and when I do, I ask myself, “Snarks, what’s it gonna take for  you to post again?” And then something like this comes along, and I can’t not.

Mrs. Kristy Aldridge of Winchester (?), Kentucky says she wanted to share her adoption story and teach children about adoption. But how? Should she start a blog? Write a book? Write a press release? Set up an interview? No, none of those.

No. She opened a fake hospital-cum-baby store for little girls. (So her “adoption story” is yet another one told from the POV of the AP. What a surprise.)

Two weeks ago, Kristy Aldridge decided to start Choosing To Love Babies, a baby doll adoption program in an infant nursery room at the Kids’ Discovery Center.

And, being an a’mom, surely Mrs. Aldridge knows the importance of telling the truth about adoption. She isn’t just doing this to be cute. She’s there to “educat[e] them on adoption.” Sure she is. The education these little girls are getting from her is that adoption is a rainbow of perfect newborns put on earth for their benefit, their amusement, their selection, and their *purchase.

Interested children and parents can schedule an appointment to meet at the Kids’ Discovery Center at 9 S. Bloomfield Road in Winchester, which has been transformed into a mock hospital wing.

That’s right. Adopted children Come From The Hospital (not out of a woman’s body), just like your little brother did. They’re never not newborn. They’re never special needs. You don’t have to wait for them. You just pick your favorite one:

“So basically what it is the girls get to come in and they get to choose a baby that they want,” Aldridge said. “We have different races and different genders for them to choose from.

Pet peeve alert: Genders? Really? Why are we so afraid of the word “sex”? (Or can you really tell an epicine baby doll from an agender version one baby doll? cause I can’t.) You don’t have different genders of baby dolls, you have dolls that represent babies of two sexes.

[“]And we’re educating them on adoption and they have to make the promise of taking care of the baby. That’s a big part of it.”

Little girls don’t know babies need care if they aren’t told so by Mrs. Aldridge. And promising to take care of the baby is “a big part of” adoption, but it’s not the most important part. If it were, it would probably be discussed first. The most important part is customizing your fresh new baby, just like real adoptive parents get to do!–Only not so much. Not anymore. Not if they aren’t filthy stinking rich. Settling for a child who really needs you sucks.

 “We convert one of our infant rooms into the nursery and all of us have scrubs on,” she said. “I mean we really try to make this feel like an adoption.

Again, this is nothing like an adoption, unless it’s one of the ones done by rich, coercive people who don’t care who they hurt as  long as they get a newborn. Why not require the girls to take the doll from the arms of its dolly mother? Why not give the dolls fake umbilical cords for the little mommies to cut? (Why not just sit at home and watch reruns of Adoption Stories?)

These little girls come with their baby carriers and we have babies in another room, so when we re-stock and bring them in we act like they’re just born.”

Straight from the baby store to you!

Part of the adoption process after a baby is chosen is a 15-20 minute medical routine. Aldridge and her team of volunteer doctors teach the children proper care of their baby, such as how to hold the baby and how to change a diaper.

And that’s all adoptive mommies really need to know, isn’t it?

[…]

The program quickly became much more than Aldridge imagined. Part of the program was to raise awareness about adoption, but it has become educational in other ways as well.

“Another thing that is kind of awakening that we didn’t expect is that the children don’t see color.

Again with this color blind horseshit. Of course children see skin color. Before a certain age, they don’t realize it means anything, but they certainly see it. And so do lying grown-ups who want to deny systemic racism.

While they are going through and picking their baby I get to educate them on the true meaning of adoption is just loving the baby.

Wait, didn’t you just say kids are devoid of racism due to their tragic, somehow-universal optical impairments?  Then why do they need you to lean over their shoulders crooning “It’s about luuuuurve, so annny color you want is juuust fiiine” when they literally can’t tell the difference? They don’t, but I bet doing that makes you feel good, Ms. Aldridge.

[“]I have an Asian daughter from adoption and that’s what I bring up that it doesn’t matter. A white family doesn’t have to have a white baby.”

Certainly not. A white family can have pretty much any child it can pay for, sue for, or otherwise acquire, whether they’re in the legal right or not.

[“]Pets are also available for adoption and include a lesson on proper pet care and responsibility.

“The pets we also put in the cribs.

(I originally thought they meant real live pets. They mean stuffed animals, which is bad enough.)

[“]It’s about teaching them responsibility and not just ‘Let’s go to Walmart and get a pet,’” Aldridge said. 

Let’s go to the fake maternity ward and get a baby–or maybe a sea turtle!

Although, of course, “adopted” pets and adopted children do have some things in common: Some people will judge them for being adopted even though it was no fault of their own; and, if you get bored with one, you can easily discard it. I know you promised to take care of Baby, but grownups break their promises to pets and children all the time. It’s fine. You did your best. Your dolly or pet had RAD, or was otherwise simply unlovable. This currently happens to 25% of adopted children in the USA, but I’m sure Mrs. Aldridge doesn’t mention that at these events.

[…]

Adoptions are made through the week by appointment. The adoption experience includes a baby blanket, diaper, bottle, birth certificate, adoption certificate, baby and mom matching medical bands, a medical exam with the doctor and ends with the adoption promise for the baby or pet. Pricing and other information can be found on the Choosing To Love Babies Facebook page.

Ho lee shit. Holy shit, it IS like a real adoption! You, adopting little girl, are somehow both the adopting mommy and the doll’s only mommy ever. You have a birth certificate that says so and a hospital bracelet to back it up. Yet you also have adoption papers. If I were a little girl, I would be incredibly confused about all this, whether I already knew Where Babies Come From or not. In fact, as a little girl, I was confused about all this. I thought for a brief time that everyone was adopted. I also thought I had been brought home from a sort of combination supermarket and auction house. You know, kinda like this-here educational setup.

My cold and prickly heart is very sad for any little adopted girl who gets roped into this charade. Becuase you know it’s going to happen (if it hasn’t already).

I think if you want to give little girls dolls and impress on them the Whateverwhatever of Motherhood, that’s…OK, as long as it’s OK with the girls. I also think calling it adoption, and claiming to educate children about actual adoptions by saying this is what they are like, is preposterous and evil.

Now here’s the worst part: Mrs. Aldridge, who is busily teaching little girls (and, no doubt, her own adoptee) that adoption is a funsie wunsie visit to a hospital vending machine, is…well, you guessed it:

The Aldridges run Choosing to Love Ministries, where they help families during the adoption process. A portion of every Choosing to Love Babies adoption helps fund the ministry for those families. 

She’s grooming little children into future consumers at the expense of reality and of other little children (and their mothers). I can’t help but suspect her adult clients expect the same experience.

PS–How do I know it’s adopting families her ministry helps rather than relinquishing ones? Silly girls, adoptees don’t have families! Not until you pick them out and put them in your baby carrier!

*Fees aren’t quite mentioned in the article, but I think they’re strongly implied.

Every Disgusting, Self-Centered AP Cliche Ever

can be found in this article, which the snurchin will entitle Adoption Fills Gaping Hole in Already-Reasonably-Complete Fort Collins Family Ye Gods How They Must Have Suffered! It’s an oldie (June 2015) about a couple who adopted the man’s cousin’s baby.

Cliche 1) APs are selfless, which is why the cost of their charity is your child. Mary and Kevin only wanted to help a woman in need: The couple began talking about how they could help Lexa — a two-time leukemia survivor with dreams of becoming a nurse — raise a child and still attend college in the fall. I swear to you I am not making this up.

2) Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts. In this case, the mother is innocent rather than sinful because she is  related to Kevin, the much-smarter adoptive father: “She was a great kid who was so kind that she didn’t recognize a wolf,” Kevin said. “He ended up taking some money from her and giving her Matt.” I wonder: If she weren’t your cousin, Kevin, would she be “a great kid” who got pregnant by being too “kind,” or an irresponsible slut who shouldn’t have spread her legs?

3) Antiquated shaming language: “Wolf”? Really, who’s used this metaphor since the 1940s? Does that say something about the mental landscape adoption narratives are stuck in or does it? And “Kid”? If your cousin really was a kid when this happened, then someone should have realized a rape had taken place and contacted the authorities rather than offering to relieve her of her baby, shouldn’t they?

4) The adoption fairy or god or fate or something, anything but the APs decided they should adopt. They talked about letting Lexa live with them and helping out with Matthew while she was in class. Then the thought slipped out of Mary’s mouth: “Or we could adopt.” Oops teehee! Why, I had truly forgotten we have no children and have always wanted one. I don’t know where that came from. The thought of adopting had never crossed my mind…until just now, when we gained a sudden power imbalance over a young woman who could give us just the kind of fresh white pretty baby we want. How crazy is that kind of coincidence, really? I just happened to say “we could adopt.” I mean how wild is that?!?!?!?!?

(And isn’t it interesting that this is the point at which the A’mom chooses to justify their decision with “We really wanted her to have that future” and “She deserved to have a life”?)

5) The first mother’s opinion matters not: They decided to take her baby before considering consulting her. “The decision was made as soon as she said it, as long as Lexa wanted that,” Kevin said perhaps adding everything after the comma when the interviewer lifted an eyebrow.

6) Adoption magically fixes your infertility, perhaps because you Just Stopped Worrying About It! I know this couple who and blah blah blah this one has been going around forever, and it’s hurtful, and people need to fucking stop it. Mary soon found out she was pregnant with their daughter Ashley, who is about three months younger than Matthew.

7) MINE MINE MINE MINE SNIP SNIP SNATCH When Matthew was born, Kevin cut his umbilical cord. Mary was the first to hold him.

8) Coercion: It’s bee yoo tee ful, especially when you do it to your own family: But having the children so close in age allowed for a unique bond between Lexa and the couple, who went through birthing classes together and remained close during Lexa’s and Mary’s pregnancies. I have no words for how creepy this is.

9) A Real True open adoption, really! But we’re not saying how open. Lexa, who is now an oncology nurse in Colorado Springs, remains involved in Matthew’s life….somehow.

10) Babies are presents! As for Kevin and Mary, Matthew is the “most amazing gift” the couple has ever received, they said.

11) There are no first fathers. There are only undeserving sperm donors. We’re not told whether or not “the donor wolf” knows his child exists. “If I ever meet the male donor, as I call him, I would punch him and then give him the biggest hug in the world,” Kevin said.

12) Adopted children are to be taken at face value when they, aged six, recite the spiel they were taught. It proves they are happy, well-adjusted, and so, so much better off than they would have been with their idiotic and/or slutty mothers: “When I was adopted, Lexa was too young to have a baby, so my mom and dad adopted me,” [Matthew] parroted explained. “They take care of me.”

13) Adopted children even..well, you know where this is going:“I feel like he chose us,” Mary added. Shame he had to cause your cousin so much suffering to do it, huh Mary? What’s that? You don’t care about Lexa’s suffering? Yeah, we knew that.

14) This story is so heartwarming and special and unique that the whole world needs to know about it! –Seriously, why is this on the internet? The kid is six years old.

Unfairness in Adoption

It’s so unfair! says an anonymous author. And she should know, because she is both an adoptive and a biological mother (because, as she explains, she wanted to have it both ways: There’s no point in bringing children into a world wherein so many don’t have homes, but she wanted her own, too, which is not hypocritical double dipping, but “normal.”)

Her beef with adoption is that people who make their own kids don’t get scrutinized the way adoptive parents do. And that’s not unfair, I mean really, she was glad to jump through all those hoops she bitches about and lists in detail. What’s unfair is that bad people who have their own kids don’t get scrutinized. And that’s crazy, because bad people are born with BAD PERSON (or perhaps GANG MEMBER) written on their faces so we know exactly who to force the birth control and/or sterilization surgeries on (bad people never become good, after all). Bad people, should they be allowed to have children, will abuse and kill them. Unsupported assumption: Adopted parents do not abuse or kill their children because the scrutiny is just that good.

But we’re not finished yet. Adoption is unfair to the only party to an adoption that matters (the APs) in other ways, too. Like, it’s so unfair for “caretakers” to choose a nonwhite couple for a minority child just because our white supremacist society makes it essentially impossible for white people to understand what minority children face. “More suitable”? “Loss of identity”? The kids say the loss of their culture matters to them?! OH SPARE ME.

Finally, sometimes a heartbroken child who will never see any part of her face mirrored in any other human face can be such a brat. How dare she fail to recognize how unfair that is to her A’mom, who has an entire family of faces that mirror hers?! It’s just not fair!

PS: Yesterday’s post seems to have been posted and then unposted. No idea what happened, but it’s up again now.

No, really: Stop. Doing. This.

Here’s another image floating around FB for National Adoption Month.

Fuck David Sitton. Fuck him right in the ear.

One of the saddest things about this patriarchal world is that so many men can feel so much more empathy for an embryo that lacks thoughts and feelings than they can for a living, breathing, thinking, feeling pregnant woman who does not want to be pregnant.

How Dare You?

IIRC, Susan Faludi discovered in an interview she did for Backlash that Randall Terry got the idea for Operation Rescue after his infertile wife took to hanging around the local abortion clinic holding a sign that read “Don’t Kill Your Baby–Give It To Me.” I feel very sorry for anyone, infertile or no, who got married to Randall Terry, but the sentiment drives me nuts. And it just…won’t…go…away. This popped up on a couple of adoption-related FB groups I frequent recently.(It made me so mad I downloaded it under the title “Fuuuck youuuuuuuuuuu.”)

“God loves you and your baby.” Translation: We don’t love you. We think you’re an incubator. Too bad God doesn’t love you enough to fix your life so you could raise your own baby, if that’s why you’re aborting. Truth is, we don’t care why you’re aborting. Women’s lives are never complicated, and certainly not by such easy-peasy little ol’ events as pregnancies and child rearing. Women don’t actually have feelings. Well, women like the wonderful Christian lady in the photo do, but the kind of woman who even considers having an abortion? Pffft. Fuck them. Er, I mean, God loves you!

“Don’t abort!” Translation: Don’t carry on with the twenty-minute, actually-safer-than-pregnancy-and-childbirth procedure you decided on long before you had to encounter our righteous asses on the way to your appointment. Do what we, two strangers who know nothing about your life, want you to do!

“We will adopt your baby!” Translation: Come on, just devote the next several months of your  life to making a human being out of your flesh and blood and bones? Pwease? Risk your health, perhaps even your life, just because we asked you to? Pleeeease? And then give birth and hand over the baby to us? We’ll be your best friends, honest.

“Come talk to us!” Translation: We don’t give a flying fuck about you, but you have something we want. Come on, Girl! C’mere! [whistles] That’s a good girl, who’s a goood girl?

How dare you people, whoever you are? If you think she’s aborting because she can’t afford a baby, how dare you attempt to prey on her instead of doing the truly Christlike thing: offering to help? If you think she’s aborting because she’s alone and scared, or can’t face her parents, how fucking dare you decide this is a situation for you to gain from rather than offering to help? If you think she’s a beloved child of God and your sister in Christ, why can’t you have the least speck of empathy for her and offer to help? How dare you see her as less human than the embryo you believe she’s carrying? (She might be going to the women’s health center for any number of other reasons, you know.)

How dare you expect anyone to give you a baby to raise?

And how dare you call an embryo a baby? You fucking well know better.

Yet Another New Name for Entitlement

Remember when it was called the white baby shortage? Now it’s “the adoption gap.” Here’s Ruth Mark, who runs a private adoption agency (because of course she does) bitching all about it like it isn’t what makes her livelihood possible:

“There’s thousands [sic] of infertile couples,” says Mark. “There’s just thousand [sic] in this country, and they are unable to adopt because there aren’t enough babies.”

MAKE US SOME BABIES RIGHT NOW YOU BROOD SOWS.

“You hear people say, ‘Oh there’s so many children to adopt,'” says Mark. “Well no there aren’t. There are not.”

Liar. There are plenty of “children to adopt” who actually need to be adopted, but that’s not what your customers want, is it? The article even goes on to admit Ms. Mark is a liar. But, as always, we get the truth last, and the emotional crap about how so many people deserve other people’s babies soo much first.

Adoption never changes. It always has been and always will be about the newborn infants  poor vulnerable women somehow owe to rich people.

Seriously, will this shit never end?

Happy November, everybody. Once again, it’s going to be one fucked-up funhouse ride.