Hi, Women. I mean, Hello, evil sluts who might consider abortion. Eddie Lucio wants a few words with you, and he’s a man, so listen up. Here’s what Eddie really has to say:
You bitches are stupid. You’re so stupid you don’t know that your pregnancy, if allowed to continue, might result in the birth of a Real Live Baby. That’s why, should you decide you want an abortion in Eddie’s state, you must first observe a waiting period, endure “counseling,” look at this ultrasound, and hear this “description” of your “fetus,” which is almost certainly still an embryo. You’re so stupid you can’t comprehend the meanings of words like “abortion” and “pregnancy” without pictures and explanations from men who know more about your body than you do.
Why did you go to an abortion clinic in the first place, anyway? Was there a pretty mural on the wall? Did they offer you a balloon and a cookie? You poor, silly creature! You’re so stupid you’ve never heard of adoption! As stated above, you don’t know what abortion is (you just know you want one, perhaps because all the cool kids are doing it). So you can’t possibly know what adoption is. You must be educated! Isn’t it great that you can learn everything you need to know about adoption in just three hours?
(Naturally, all you need to know about it is that you should do it. Adoption is a wonderful thing you can do for someone else. You’re a woman, after all, and you were made to do things and sacrifice for others. What is wrong with you?)
Eddie Lucio wants you to believe he’s a Democrat. He wants you to believe he cares about babies. Unfortunately it’s obvious Eddie Lucio doesn’t give a fuck about babies as long as women can be punished for having them, for not having them, for having sex, for not having sex, or, I suppose, for existing.
Mr. Lucio says he intends to “continue advocating adoption as an alternative” to abortion. The idea that adoption, abortion, and keeping a child are all equivalent experiences to so many men says a lot about what they think about women: They don’t. Men can be extremely reluctant to imagine what life as a woman might be like, and I think we all know why.
I taught a course with a “gender issues” emphasis once. One writing exercise was to imagine you wake up the opposite sex and describe what you’d do/how you’d feel about it. This exercise came right out of the book, but many of the men in my classes acted as if I had invented it to annoy them. They really didn’t want to do it; how much of their semester credit would it be? Did they have to? Many seemed to feel personally insulted. A few of them were furious. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to open mutiny in the classroom, and in my classroom, we discuss controversial topics all the time.
Not only did they not notice the women weren’t making a scene about the assignment, they didn’t care or notice the way they were insulting every woman in the room by moaning that they refused to imagine being something so beneath them. One male student in each class wrote “I would kill myself,” and nothing more. And who wouldn’t? When I think about what a woman is to those young men, I’d rather die than be one too.
I have never had a student of either sex pout about being asked to write from the point of view of a cockroach or a chair: only men asked to write from the point of view of a woman. I think that says a lot about society…and about Eddie Lucio.
Wait, wait–sorry. This year, Eddie now thinks silly little female featherheads can make the decision after ONE that’s ONE mandatory hour of an Adoption 101 class. Here’s the story about last year’s version, with three! three! three times the propaganda.
Adopto-Snark 