Every Disgusting, Self-Centered AP Cliche Ever

can be found in this article, which the snurchin will entitle Adoption Fills Gaping Hole in Already-Reasonably-Complete Fort Collins Family Ye Gods How They Must Have Suffered! It’s an oldie (June 2015) about a couple who adopted the man’s cousin’s baby.

Cliche 1) APs are selfless, which is why the cost of their charity is your child. Mary and Kevin only wanted to help a woman in need: The couple began talking about how they could help Lexa — a two-time leukemia survivor with dreams of becoming a nurse — raise a child and still attend college in the fall. I swear to you I am not making this up.

2) Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts. In this case, the mother is innocent rather than sinful because she is  related to Kevin, the much-smarter adoptive father: “She was a great kid who was so kind that she didn’t recognize a wolf,” Kevin said. “He ended up taking some money from her and giving her Matt.” I wonder: If she weren’t your cousin, Kevin, would she be “a great kid” who got pregnant by being too “kind,” or an irresponsible slut who shouldn’t have spread her legs?

3) Antiquated shaming language: “Wolf”? Really, who’s used this metaphor since the 1940s? Does that say something about the mental landscape adoption narratives are stuck in or does it? And “Kid”? If your cousin really was a kid when this happened, then someone should have realized a rape had taken place and contacted the authorities rather than offering to relieve her of her baby, shouldn’t they?

4) The adoption fairy or god or fate or something, anything but the APs decided they should adopt. They talked about letting Lexa live with them and helping out with Matthew while she was in class. Then the thought slipped out of Mary’s mouth: “Or we could adopt.” Oops teehee! Why, I had truly forgotten we have no children and have always wanted one. I don’t know where that came from. The thought of adopting had never crossed my mind…until just now, when we gained a sudden power imbalance over a young woman who could give us just the kind of fresh white pretty baby we want. How crazy is that kind of coincidence, really? I just happened to say “we could adopt.” I mean how wild is that?!?!?!?!?

(And isn’t it interesting that this is the point at which the A’mom chooses to justify their decision with “We really wanted her to have that future” and “She deserved to have a life”?)

5) The first mother’s opinion matters not: They decided to take her baby before considering consulting her. “The decision was made as soon as she said it, as long as Lexa wanted that,” Kevin said perhaps adding everything after the comma when the interviewer lifted an eyebrow.

6) Adoption magically fixes your infertility, perhaps because you Just Stopped Worrying About It! I know this couple who and blah blah blah this one has been going around forever, and it’s hurtful, and people need to fucking stop it. Mary soon found out she was pregnant with their daughter Ashley, who is about three months younger than Matthew.

7) MINE MINE MINE MINE SNIP SNIP SNATCH When Matthew was born, Kevin cut his umbilical cord. Mary was the first to hold him.

8) Coercion: It’s bee yoo tee ful, especially when you do it to your own family: But having the children so close in age allowed for a unique bond between Lexa and the couple, who went through birthing classes together and remained close during Lexa’s and Mary’s pregnancies. I have no words for how creepy this is.

9) A Real True open adoption, really! But we’re not saying how open. Lexa, who is now an oncology nurse in Colorado Springs, remains involved in Matthew’s life….somehow.

10) Babies are presents! As for Kevin and Mary, Matthew is the “most amazing gift” the couple has ever received, they said.

11) There are no first fathers. There are only undeserving sperm donors. We’re not told whether or not “the donor wolf” knows his child exists. “If I ever meet the male donor, as I call him, I would punch him and then give him the biggest hug in the world,” Kevin said.

12) Adopted children are to be taken at face value when they, aged six, recite the spiel they were taught. It proves they are happy, well-adjusted, and so, so much better off than they would have been with their idiotic and/or slutty mothers: “When I was adopted, Lexa was too young to have a baby, so my mom and dad adopted me,” [Matthew] parroted explained. “They take care of me.”

13) Adopted children even..well, you know where this is going:“I feel like he chose us,” Mary added. Shame he had to cause your cousin so much suffering to do it, huh Mary? What’s that? You don’t care about Lexa’s suffering? Yeah, we knew that.

14) This story is so heartwarming and special and unique that the whole world needs to know about it! –Seriously, why is this on the internet? The kid is six years old.

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19 Comments

Filed under Adopted And Happy!, AdoptoLand, General Ignoramitude, NaBloPoMo, Stop Saying That

19 responses to “Every Disgusting, Self-Centered AP Cliche Ever

  1. Lara/Trace

    umm,, they forget we adoptees grow up – and we do – and then we ask uncomfortable questions that will ultimately end in an un-forever family…I am so glad you wrote this!!!!!!!!

  2. Lara/Trace

    Reblogged this on ☀️ army of one ☀️ and commented:
    here’s one to whammy your brain

  3. Amanda moore

    Dear snurchin I am a new fan. Please help me process the I love giving the gift of life birthmother blogs I unfortunately read while trying to understand my own reunited birth mother. If some brainwashed nincompoop really really wants to surrender her newborn maybe that’s fine??? Don’t even know what to think about that kind of Christian crazy. Birthmother told me she sacraficed me like God gave the world Jesus.

    • Maybe it is fine (except that brainwashing is never OK), and I don’t know what to think either. )-: I don’t know how I would have dealt had my first mother told me that. I suspect saying such things is just how your mother copes, not that that helps you.

  4. Reblogged this on elle cuardaigh and commented:
    Flipping the script for the six-year-old adoptee who can’t do it himself. Yet.

  5. Only Me

    Reblogged this on That's What She Said! and commented:
    The truth of how things really are in the corrupt world of adoption.

  6. Only Me

    Just found your blog, and as a birth mother – I love it! You hit the bulls eye on this one! If I may, I’d like to share with you part of a letter I recently sent to a local judge asking for non-ID on the daughter I was FORCED at birth to relinquish for adoption. I think this says it all: I will happily follow your blog, and wish you all the luck in the world. Thank you so much for sharing! The full letter is posted @ https://www.facebook.com/groups/AdoptionALARM/

    Dear Honor Judge D…..:

    The things I have to say here are all true, and I have evidence in my possession to prove and back up my claims. Shortly after my daughter’s birth, I was bullied and harassed by the hospital social worker into surrendering her for adoption. VOLUNTARY had absolutely nothing to do with! The word doesn’t begin to apply to what happened subsequently to me! I was kept in total ignorance of all my legal, civil, parental and human rights! In fact, I was told those things were NONE OF MY BUSINESS! Ditto for any alternatives to adoption! See attached for more details regarding my relinquishment.
    The horror just got worse. In the agency copies, the social/case worker ADMITTED that he realized that I had not voluntarily relinquished my child, but had been forced into it.
    Well, my daughter is now over 50 years old, definitely menopausal I’m sure, and probably a grandmother herself. Likely, her adopters are now deceased. I’ve always wondered how much they paid for her, but I guess I will never know. She is long past being a marketable infant in a profit driven industry that based its standards on the practices of its creator child trafficker, black market seller, and serial killer Georgia Tann. If you don’t know who this woman is, you may be interested in looking her up!
    Yet, despite knowing the truth, they lied to everybody – including the Boone County Circuit Court (seat held at that time by Judge John Cave) in particular even submitting falsified documents! Please read my attached story which I posted on Facebook several weeks ago so the adoptees could know what actually goes on behind closed doors. You may find it fascinating – yet every word is true! As one adoptee said, they TORTURED young mothers! I almost died because of what I was put through!
    Whether you choose to believe me is your choice!…

    • I see no reason not to believe you. And yes, I know about Georgia Tann! I highly recommend The Baby Thief.

      • Only Me

        I think we may be more on the same page than you know. I hate adoption, I know how crooked, profit driven the whole industry is, and I have been a long time adoption rights activists for adoptees’ rights to their OBCs’ By all means hon, rage on! I’m with you!

  7. Reblogged this on FORBIDDEN FAMILY and commented:
    I’ll add one more to #2) “Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts.” Why is it that adopters never consider that the mother of a relinquished baby may actually have died? My mother was not a slut, nor was she a virgin. She was a married mother of four older children when she gave birth to me. My mother died of cancer and my grieving father relinquished me. Yet, all I hear is “birth” mother-shaming. As a real half-orphan, I find the slut-shaming to be disgusting. This blog post gives us a good look into the minds of adopters today.

    • I am one of those people who never/almost never consider that the first mother may have died. I apologize, and I appreciate your input.

      • No problem at all! I understand how this happens. I was also reminded (after re-blogging your blog post on my website) that another scenario often overlooked is that the mother may have been raped. Raped by a stranger, or by her father, or by another relative, or by a priest. So, I guess the lesson to learn is to remind the general public that a mother may have suffered any number of traumas, including rape and death. This is a learning experience for all of us!

  8. I don’t understand your anger towards adoption? Because the “truth is” your “father” didn’t or couldn’t raise you and gave to you to strangers to raise. Because, in his mind, they could do a better job! Let’s face it, when a person/family places a child for adoption ( minus youth) there’s more to the story. Be it, drug/alcohol addiction, mental illness or the unwillingness to parent, the child was placed for adoption for a reason.

    • I’ll let legitimate bastard answer your question should s/he choose to. I simply want to say that I think most of the reasons children are given up for adoption are bad reasons. Is poverty a good reason, or might we consider helping women keep their babies instead of punishing them for their own misfortune? Is addiction always a good reason, or should we make rehab cheaply and freely available to any pregnant woman who requests it? (We don’t currently do this in the US.) Assuming a woman truly can’t raise her own child safely with all the help in the world, why is that a reason to take the child away forever, change his or her name, and deny him or her any knowledge of his/her original heritage, as adoption so often does? The only reason I see to do that is if the parent represents an actual, active threat to the child, like stalking or issuing death threats.

      Sometimes the reason a child is placed for adoption is inhumane government policies, or kidnapping, or even the fact that the child’s mother was raped and held captive throughout her pregnancy in a “baby factory” to supply a demand. Should we not be angry about those things, or will any reason for an adoption do? Being born out of wedlock used to be a good enough reason. Now it isn’t.

      I think the only legit reason for adoption is “unwillingness to parent.” I also think that describes the situation of very, very few women who have relinquished their children for adoption. I, for one, am angry about that, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t be

    • Atimons: Why is it wrong for adopted people to be angry about adoption? You know my father, do you? You seem to know what happened, so, please tell me! Surely, a complete stranger knows more about my life and my father than I do!

      Do you know the people who adopted me? Do you know what happened inside my home? I can assure you that you have no clue what went on inside my adoptive home, so you cannot say that they could do a better job that my own father could have raising me. They did a different job, not a better one.

      Are you insinuating that my father was into drugs or had an alcohol addiction, mental illness or that he was unwilling to parent me? How insulting can you be?

      Yes, I was given up for adoption for a reason. My father was given no other option. A Catholic priest told him to give up his three month old infant because the “baby needs two parents.” And the other four older children didn’t?

      My father was in an impossible situation. His wife died and he was working and he had to make decisions while in deep grief. When we met 41 years ago, he expressed himself well, re-living the past was difficult on him. Over the years, he cried and begged me forgiveness. There was nothing to forgive him for because I understood he was backed into a corner with no decision being the right one.

      What I really object to are people like you who make assumptions based upon ignorance of what adoption actually is.

      By the way, Angela Holkmann, I see that your facebook page has very little info on it. Are you a troll?

    • Only Me

      This one I can answer! Most of the time a child is given up for adoption because they were bullied and browbeaten into it. Adoption is all about meeting the adopter’s wants and needs, while filling agency coffers with lots of cold, had cash!

    • just call me oscar(ette)

      I wrote this from my own personal feelings and experience. I think it can also be applied to ANY parent who has lost their child or children due to a bad case of the,
      “BETTER THAN THOU’S”

      The children of parents
      out of wedlock born
      from their arms
      they are so often torn

      Locked in a prison
      of sorrow and grief
      no-one to comfort
      nor from anguish, relief

      No, I’m not perfect
      are you without sin?
      Why end my life
      so that you can fit in?

      A baby you want
      you crave, and desire
      not caring if you throw
      their mother in the fire.

      Their father’s too
      you fervently deny
      when will you accept
      that it’s all a big lie?

      Those children are not
      exclusively yours
      saying, “they’re the children of deadbeats
      and awful little whores”

      At least that’s what you call us
      to justify the theft
      The reality is
      there’s not much of us left

      You’ve taken our hearts
      our hope and our pride
      You’ve caused us to grieve endlessly
      and shamefully hide

      You’ve left us to bear
      our losses alone
      You’ve taken our hearts
      and shattered our homes

      Our children you pressure
      to conform just to you
      Deny you have a past
      you know it’s not true

      The mother and father you have are just us
      you were dropped by the stork
      you came on a bus

      Please don’t ever ask about where you came from
      on that we desire you stay eternally dumb
      ***********************************************
      You came, dear one,
      from a prison of shame
      a world without hope
      and one filled with pain.

  9. Only Me

    It’s all about the MONEY!

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