can be found in this article, which the snurchin will entitle Adoption Fills Gaping Hole in Already-Reasonably-Complete Fort Collins Family Ye Gods How They Must Have Suffered! It’s an oldie (June 2015) about a couple who adopted the man’s cousin’s baby.
Cliche 1) APs are selfless, which is why the cost of their charity is your child. Mary and Kevin only wanted to help a woman in need: The couple began talking about how they could help Lexa — a two-time leukemia survivor with dreams of becoming a nurse — raise a child and still attend college in the fall. I swear to you I am not making this up.
2) Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts. In this case, the mother is innocent rather than sinful because she is related to Kevin, the much-smarter adoptive father): “She was a great kid who was so kind that she didn’t recognize a wolf,” Kevin said. “He ended up taking some money from her and giving her Matt.” I wonder: If she weren’t your cousin, Kevin, would she be “a great kid” who got pregnant by being too “kind,” or an irresponsible slut who shouldn’t have spread her legs?
3) Antiquated shaming language: “Wolf”? Really, who’s used this metaphor since the 1940s? Does that say something about the mental landscape adoption narratives are stuck in or does it? And “Kid”? If your cousin really was a kid when this happened, then someone should have realized a rape had taken place and contacted the authorities rather than offering to relieve her of her baby, shouldn’t they?
4) The adoption fairy or god or fate or something, anything but the APs decided they should adopt. They talked about letting Lexa live with them and helping out with Matthew while she was in class. Then the thought slipped out of Mary’s mouth: “Or we could adopt.” Oops teehee! Why, I had truly forgotten we have no children and have always wanted one. I don’t know where that came from. The thought of adopting had never crossed my mind…until just now, when we gained a sudden power imbalance over a young woman who could give us just the kind of fresh white pretty baby we want. How crazy is that kind of coincidence, really? I just happened to say “we could adopt.” I mean how wild is that?!?!?!?!?
(And isn’t it interesting that this is the point at which the A’mom chooses to justify their decision with “We really wanted her to have that future” and “She deserved to have a life”?)
5) The first mother’s opinion matters not: They decided to take her baby before considering consulting her. “The decision was made as soon as she said it, as long as Lexa wanted that,” Kevin said perhaps adding everything after the comma when the interviewer lifted an eyebrow.
6) Adoption magically fixes your infertility, perhaps because you Just Stopped Worrying About It! I know this couple who and blah blah blah this one has been going around forever, and it’s hurtful, and people need to fucking stop it. Mary soon found out she was pregnant with their daughter Ashley, who is about three months younger than Matthew.
7) MINE MINE MINE MINE SNIP SNIP SNATCH When Matthew was born, Kevin cut his umbilical cord. Mary was the first to hold him.
8) Coercion: It’s bee yoo tee ful, especially when you do it to your own family: But having the children so close in age allowed for a unique bond between Lexa and the couple, who went through birthing classes together and remained close during Lexa’s and Mary’s pregnancies. I have no words for how creepy this is.
9) A Real True open adoption, really! But we’re not saying how open. Lexa, who is now an oncology nurse in Colorado Springs, remains involved in Matthew’s life….somehow.
10) Babies are presents! As for Kevin and Mary, Matthew is the “most amazing gift” the couple has ever received, they said.
11) There are no first fathers. There are only undeserving sperm donors. We’re not told whether or not “the donor wolf” knows his child exists. “If I ever meet the male donor, as I call him, I would punch him and then give him the biggest hug in the world,” Kevin said.
12) Adopted children are to be taken at face value when they, aged six, recite the spiel they were taught. It proves they are happy, well-adjusted, and so, so much better off than they would have been with their idiotic and/or slutty mothers: “When I was adopted, Lexa was too young to have a baby, so my mom and dad adopted me,” [Matthew]
parroted explained. “They take care of me.”
13) Adopted children even..well, you know where this is going:“I feel like he chose us,” Mary added. Shame he had to cause your cousin so much suffering to do it, huh Mary? What’s that? You don’t care about Lexa’s suffering? Yeah, we knew that.
14) This story is so heartwarming and special and unique that the whole world needs to know about it! –Seriously, why is this on the internet? The kid is six years old.