Category Archives: Film

Unfairness in Adoption

It’s so unfair! says an anonymous author. And she should know, because she is both an adoptive and a biological mother (because, as she explains, she wanted to have it both ways: There’s no point in bringing children into a world wherein so many don’t have homes, but she wanted her own, too, which is not hypocritical double dipping, but “normal.”)

Her beef with adoption is that people who make their own kids don’t get scrutinized the way adoptive parents do. And that’s not unfair, I mean really, she was glad to jump through all those hoops she bitches about and lists in detail. What’s unfair is that bad people who have their own kids don’t get scrutinized. And that’s crazy, because bad people are born with BAD PERSON (or perhaps GANG MEMBER) written on their faces so we know exactly who to force the birth control and/or sterilization surgeries on (bad people never become good, after all). Bad people, should they be allowed to have children, will abuse and kill them. Unsupported assumption: Adopted parents do not abuse or kill their children because the scrutiny is just that good.

adotion doge
But we’re not finished yet. Adoption is unfair to the only party to an adoption that matters (the APs) in other ways, too. Like, it’s so unfair for “caretakers” to choose a nonwhite couple for a minority child just because our white supremacist society makes it essentially impossible for white people to understand what minority children face. “More suitable”? “Loss of identity”? The kids say the loss of their culture matters to them?! OH SPARE ME.

Finally, sometimes a heartbroken child who will never see any part of her face mirrored in any other human face can be such a brat. How dare she fail to recognize how unfair that is to her A’mom, who has an entire family of faces that mirror hers?! It’s just not fair!

PS: Yesterday’s post seems to have been posted and then unposted. No idea what happened, but it’s up again now.



Filed under Adopted And Happy!, Film, Forever Family, General Ignoramitude, NaBloPoMo, Stop Saying That

Cinematic Panic

Adoptees and others, please name an adoption- or adoptee-themed movie you love, hate or love to hate.




Filed under Film


Thanks to cb, we can watch what seems to be a version of Mercy, Mercy online. If you haven’t seen this, look now before it gets taken down.  (But maybe read this first.)

Also, here is Fly Away Children, the film famous for its scene of an English-speaking woman telling a roomful of non-English speakers that any of them who doesn’t want to never see their children again should take them and leave now.

…and its sequel, Fly Away Home. Thanks again, cb!

1 Comment

Filed under Colonialism ROCKS!, Film, Forever Family, Srsly, The Adoption Process Moral Pedestal, WTF?!, You're going to Hell for this.

Adopted: The Movie

is on YouTube. If you haven’t seen it, you really should.

Truly: If you trust me and my opinions, even in the smallest way, please watch this.


Filed under Adopted And Happy!, AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!, Film, Forever Family, Sad and beautiful


Separating twins is one of those things I had somehow been convinced we didn’t do anymore. I’m so naive sometimes. )-:

Please read Red Thread Broken’s post and watch Twin Sisters while you can.

Twin Sisters + Response.


Filed under Adopted And Happy!, AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!, Film

The Opposite Of Snarky Is

1) Sincere
2) Sentimental
3) Muppets

Shut up I sniffle because I have allergies SHUT UP.

This looks familiar, vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal, yet, it’s too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul, yet so far away.
I’m going to go back there someday.

Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls.
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I’ve never been there, but I know the way.
I’m going to go back there someday.

Come and go with me, it’s more fun to share,
We’ll both be completely at home in midair.
We’re flyin’, not walkin’, on featherless wings.
We can hold onto love like invisible strings.

There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.
Part heaven, part space, or have I found my place?
You can just visit, but I plan to stay.
I’m going to go back there someday.
I’m going to go back there someday.

1 Comment

Filed under Film, Sad and beautiful, What It's Like

Not About Adoption, Yet So *Vomitrocious

This post isn’t about adoption. It’s about a certain white Western mentality that contributes to attitudes about international adoption, and the way this mentality is displayed in an ad for a charitable organization called Feed A Child.

This ad is terrible. The only thing worse than this ad is what some are calling the apology for it. It is not an apology. It is nothing like an apology. It is a long version of the old derailing tactic that says “Pointing out my racism makes you racist, so you should feel bad, not me.” And it has the gall, the unmitigated brass-balled nerve, to ask for money while it’s busy not apologizing.

And goodness knows it isn’t Alza Rautenbach, founder of and spokesperson for Feed A Child, who should feel bad. The entire so-called apology is a glorification of Alza’s miraculous, impossibly racism-free mind, which is stunningly similar to the minds of “color blind” white liberals everywhere. This ad is a window into the minds of the people who will make any excuse for any international adoption, no matter how corrupt. “If one child is saved”…”Like a child, I don’t see color…race, or politics”…”Be like me and look past the racial matter.” Because I am wonderfu–I mean, saving little children is wonderful! Aren’t you ashamed, just a little bit, for not being Above All This, like me? [beatific smile]

No, she actually says “Be like me,” a white Western woman who’s never missed a meal in her life. She has also never been compared to animals because of her skin color, been perceived as representing the entire white race wherever she goes, or been asked to play the part of a servant crossed with a begging dog in an ad that could have made its point in countless other ways. What she has is “a deep-rooted affection for all children,” and this is very unusual in human beings. We must stifle our gag reflexes, because we can’t perceive her ad is so much better than we unenlightened, non-child-loving people think it is.

The white woman’s burden is so heavy. So very heavy. Alza bears it gladly because, unlike so many of us, she knows that all children are children. They are all equally deserving of care and respect. (That’s why her ad only shows a black child being fed puppy treats by a white woman.) But she won’t bear it alone: Alza wants your money! Send it now, lest she run out of Scooby snacks for the children!

I really wish this ad were its own opposite. I wish it were a commentary on how shitty and wasteful and condescending white people can be, and how we think everything and everyone else revolves around us…but it isn’t, even though it might have been (sort of) intended to be. It certainly intends to make viewers ashamed of ourselves, but only just ashamed enough that sending a small amount of money will make us feel better. It says “It’s perfectly fine for South African children to live off the scraps from your table. The scraps are all they need (whereas real children also require air, shelter, love, water, an education, and human dignity), and here you are throwing them down the Disposal when you could save a child instead! Text this number to send children who are so hungry they don’t care what they eat your garbage now! You’ll feel so good about you.”

If I’d made an ad that misfired this badly, and which seemed likely to dissuade people from helping the children I wanted to help, I’d issue an actual apology. An actual apology contains ingredients like these:

1) Remorse–the realization that one’s actions have hurt others.
2) A public admission that one was wrong and/or hurtful, intentionally or not.
3) Some kind of reparation; at the least, an assurance that one understands one’s offense and promises not to commit it again.

If you see any of those in the “apology” video, please tell me. (Seriously: This video made me so angry I kept cussing it out, so I may have missed the actual apology.)

Also, is anyone else tired of having Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata ruined by people who use it as a cheap, cheesy emotional device to get us to turn out our pockets?

Also-also, what’s “connotivity”?

*”Vomitrocious” is a word I learned on the AAAFC forum. I wish I knew who invented it, because s/he deserves the credit.


Filed under Film, General Ignoramitude, It Can't Be Racist. I Didn't Use the N-word Once!, Sad and beautiful, Srsly, Uncategorized