Cinematic Adopto-Crap: Disney’s Tarzan

(Apologies for the appearance of this post. I know it’s hard to read, but when I get the line spacing the way I want it, the white background disappears, rendering the post illegible.)

I have got to quit looking at that We Love Adoption FB page. That’s where I found this:

“Look at this adoption beauty.. love to all…”

Tarzan – You’ll Be In My Heart

Well isn’t that nauseating.

But it surprises the spiky urchin not a whit. Disney’s Tarzanis an adoptive parent’s dream. It presents Tarzan as the perfect adoptee–his first parents even have the decency to die!–and his gorilla mother, Kala, as the Best Moms Evar! So good a job does she do in establishing proper loyalties in Tarzan that when the time comes to return to his own world, he turns his back on it without even visiting and, impossibly, becomes a gorilla instead. Feh.

I’m writing about this movie because Tarzan narrates the adoption experience from the adoptee’s point of view more honestly than any Disney film to date.  Despite itself, it addresses the unhealthy practice of denying rather than acknowledging or even celebrating differences…but it really fucks things up when it shows that this denial is the right thing to do, and that APs will be rewarded for it.

In one scene, Tarzan is sick of not being played with (even by his *”best friend,” who repeatedly ditches him) because he is so different-looking. He rails at his own reflection in a pool, and plasters his face with mud in hopes of looking more apelike. A’mom Kala discovers him doing this.

Imagine your reaction for a second here. If I found my child trying to look like another species so someone, anyone would play with him, my heart would break. I wouldn’t know what to say, but I guess I’d say something about how the fault was in the other children and not in him.

Not Kala. She wants to play Word Games and Denial:

Tarzan: Why am I so different?
Kala: Because you’re covered with mud, that’s why.

Seriously, did you read what I read? Because I read:

Child: I’m in pain!

Adoptive Mom: No you aren’t, you little silly.

So beautiful…It gets worse, Y’all.

Tarzan: Kerchak [Kala’s mate] said I don’t belong in the family.
Kala: Never mind what Kerchak said. […]
Tarzan: But look at me!
Kala: I am, Tarzan. And do you know what I see? I see two eyes, like mine, and a nose, somewhere. Ah, here. Two ears, and let’s see, what else?
Tarzan: Two hands?
Kala: That’s right. Close your eyes. Now forget what you see. What do you feel?
Tarzan: My heart.
Kala: Come here.
Tarzan: Your heart.
Kala: See, they’re exactly the same. Kerchak just can’t see that.
Tarzan: I’ll make him see it. I’ll be the best ape ever!
Kala:Oh, I bet you will!

Anyone seen my rivet gun? My mandible done dropped clean off again. What does the above say? It says “I love you very much, just as you are; so become like me, even though this is entirely impossible.” The most beautiful part of that scene, for me, is when Tarzan and Kala press their palms together and we can see how different they are while both being hands. Why insist they are identical when they so clearly are not, and when the point is supposed to be that it doesn’t matter that they’re different?

And why humor your human son in his desire to be “the best ape ever”? It makes me wince to even think about such gentle cruelty. (But this movie is full of Disney magic, so Tarzan does grow up to be the best ape ever while being human too. I wish I knew how to work that.) All right, on to the song:

“You’ll Be In My Heart”
Come, stop your crying.
It will be all right.
Just take my hand,

Hold it tight.

I will protect you
from all around you

I discovered very early on that my parents could not protect me from the things that really hurt me. In fact, I couldn’t always even explain what was hurting or why. So I quit trying, with the result that my parents were always finding out about bad things too late to help. How many times did my a’mom ask “Why didn’t you tell us?” I still suck at asking for help. It’s an admission of weakness, and weak babies get thrown away again.

I will be here. Don’t you cry.

For one so small,
you seem so strong

Damn, how this line bugs me. For one thing, Tarzan does not “seem strong.” He has, in fact, just fallen off Kala’s back because he can’t cling like a gorilla baby. For another, I’m sick to death of hearing about how “resilient” adopted children are. Yeah, sure, we’re freakin’ superhuman. That’s why it’s OK to do things like take us halfway around the world and subject us to mental cruelties, like a new name when we already know our real one, that other children can’t withstand. Seriously: we are resilient. We adjust so quickly and so well–on the surface–because we know if we don’t something terrible might happen…again.

My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm.
This bond between us
Can’t be broken

“Take that, stupid birth mothers! Stupid psychologists and your stupid ‘bonding is what children do to their natural mothers’ crap! Stupid! He’s bonding with ME and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

I will be here, don’t you cry.

‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forevermore

You’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say

That’s sweet. But of course all “they” say to adoptive moms is How wonderful! how wonderful! how wonderful! I guess once in awhile one has to hear “Are they yours?” and “How much did they cost?” but mostly it’s How wonderful.

You’ll be here in my heart, always

Why can’t they understand the way we feel?

“I know what my infant’s feelings are. They are what I say they are. This helpless creature has attached to me not out of need but out of love, sheer pure infant love! Why can’t they understannnnnd?”

They just don’t trust
what they can’t explain.
I know we’re different, but

No, Kala, you’re not different. Your child is, and he’s marked as such forever–not like you. You can go to the gorilla grocery store or the gorilla spa alone, and nobody will know you’re an adoptive mother unless you tell them. But I guess it’s a bit of a thrill to fancy yourself an outlaw without having to suffer any of the consequences, like people who insist they’re Indians because Grandpa told them they’re 1/32nd Cherokee.

Deep inside us,
We’re not that different at all

because we both have hearts, like the cockroach and the crawdad! That makes us mother and son!

And you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forevermore.

Don’t listen to them,
‘Cause what do they know?

They know the difference between a gorilla and a human.

We need each other,
to have, to hold.
They’ll see in time,
I know

No they won’t, Honey. You can’t just raise your trans-species adoptee to be a gorilla and expect nobody to notice (except in Disney movies, of course).

When destiny calls you,
You must be strong.
I may not be with you,
But you’ve got to hold on:
They’ll see in time,
I know.
We’ll show them together.

Sigh. Ambassador for humanity to the gorilla world is not the kind of job anyone should acquire for a person. And it’s no job for an infant, for fuck’s sake.

‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forevermore

Oh, you’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You’ll be in my heart, always
Always

At the end of the movie, Tarzan not only rejects his heritage to become the “best ape ever,” he rejects the one bit of individuality he has been allowed. One thing Kala gets right is encouraging young Tarzan, who is a good mimic, to “come up with your own sound,” which he does. But after Kerchak dies, Tarzan does not perform a Tarzan yell in tribute.  Instead, he roars like a gorilla, proclaiming his loyalty, and stays in Africa to lead the gorilla troop in his adoptive father’s place.

Then, to put a cherry on Kala’s Reward For Adopting! sundae, the two decent humans Tarzan has met turn their backs on their entire lives to live in the jungle with him and the gorillas as One Big Happy Jungle Family. Because, shit, anyone can be the best ape ever, amirite?!

This is also Tarzan’s reward, of course, for being a dutiful adoptee–for putting up with a horrible childhood and very unaccepting a’father: he gets two new fake relatives. He does not get, or ever express any desire to know, any actual blood relatives. I’m not sure I believe the movie would have ended with this reward for him if the humans who found Tarzan had been related to him in any way. Then it would have been his duty to reject them and their world and have nothing to do with “these strangers like me” because the gorillas are his Real Family.

The only good thing this movie teaches us is that adopted children can love their adoptive parents yet still feel like they’re literally a different species than their family. It hastens to plaster over that inconvenience with pink candy bullshit, but it does admit it exists. And how sad is it that this is special and significant? It wasn’t even intended–it’s just there to build sympathy for the main character–but it’s a sop, and that’s the best adoptees can expect from popular culture.

*Tarzan’s “best friend” is voiced by Rosie O’Donnell. Yes, Rosie “My adopted kids are mistakes made by god” O’Donnell, who calls her children’s mothers “tummy ladies.” Oh, the delicious irony. It cuts up my gums, but I can’t stop chewing on it.