Oops, Part Two

The answer, of course, is that nothing has changed. Read this article. Read how horrible it makes Mariette’s adoptive mom look.

Mariette was adopted in October 1986, at a time when adoption in Haiti was barely regulated. Most of the children in Haitian orphanages had at least one living parent, and the concept of signing away rights to see children was foreign, and still is.

Mariette’s adoptive parents were Sandra and Albert Knopf, at the time empty-nesters in their 40s with three grown sons. Sandra said she felt God’s call to adopt.

“I believed that I was doing it for the Lord,” she said. “I was not doing it for the children and I was not doing it for me.

Really, Sandra? I mean… you know you’re supposed to pretend you’re doing it for the children, right?

So they found a man named Henry Wiebe who could arrange an adoption from Haiti for $3,500 per child, or $6,000 for two.

He came by with photos of older children, but Sandra only wanted girls under 2.

Because fuck the Lord’s opinion, right? Sandra wanted what Sandra wanted.

He called the next day. He had found them. She was going to call them Christa Gail and Jennifer Lynne, but they already had names: Mariette and Patricia.

This is the worst kind of pile-all-over-the-shitty-a’mom clickbait, isn’t it?

Sandra never met the Haitian lawyer who processed the papers, or went to the hearing where the judge approved the adoption. Platel handled all that while Sandra got visas. It took a month.

As the plane took off from Port-au-Prince, she felt overwhelming relief.

“Circling the airport, I just looked down and thought, ‘God, I never want to see this place again.'”

Sandra’s awfulness is the point, surely? Because when Mariette discovered she had never been relinquished for adoption,

her adoptive mother didn’t seem surprised. Yes, she conceded, there had been red flags about the adoption. The fact that Mariette’s age was off, the way the birth and other documents weren’t available at first and then suddenly appeared, at night, some filled out by hand.

We’re supposed to hate Sandra and her pious hypocrisy, aren’t we? The article could not have been written to make her look any worse, could it?

Now read the comments. Read the comments and tell me how much our attitudes about adoption have changed.

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7 Comments

Filed under AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!, Jesus Told Me To, NaBloPoMo

7 responses to “Oops, Part Two

  1. TJ

    Well, those comments left me wanting to punch people in the throat and the taint simultaneously. Excuse me while I go repeatedly bash my head against the wall.

  2. Lara/Trace

    I am so frigging sick of people like that! SICK! Trafficking should be what this is called – not adoption

  3. Heather

    OMG … where do these f***tards come from?!?

  4. cb

    I used “control F” to work out the number of times the words “grateful/ungrateful” were used – 42 times! (and only one was in the article).

    And a comment to one of the other commenters:
    “Tandi, people like you are the reason why my husband and I will stay far away from adoption. It is horrible, cruel, inhumane that people casually suggest “have you considered adoption?” when they know we can’t have biological children. Because we know that adoptees frequently turn out to be like you or like Mariette, no matter how much love, care and dedication you received from your legal parents. What a horrible, worthless experience for those who gave you their hearts. I will never let anyone hurt my husband in this way.”

    And I think we are all very glad that this commenter has decided to “stay far away from adoption”.

    • Oh yes we are.

      I can’t imagine thinking “because the kid might want to know about his/her original family!” is the reason not to “casually suggest” adoption to infertile people. *Yikes.*

  5. just call me oscar(ette)

    Not at all new. Nothing has changed. Not even the fingers in the ears of the dah, dah, dee, dah, dah, I can’t hear you. The reality, that mother’s and father’s who have lost their children to adoption, have seen, heard, and known shining brightly through. It’s something how the narrative is soooo different to and for the adoptee from their adoptive parents and the ‘social’ workers, counselors etc. that they deal with through the early years. The mind messers. Is it any wonder that adoptees are often in such anguish later?! The adoptee can see fully just exactly how monstrous the attitudes of many adoptive parents are (oh but not mine! uh-huh, surrrre.) To call something sunshine and beautiful and wonderful as long as the narrative is owned and controlled. Are people able to see why some (if not many) mother’s actually say the things they do about adoption? Sounding bitter and angry. Are people beginning to understand just exactly how much a living hell the whole thing is and HAS BEEN? Why don’t they shut this wreckage DOWN. (oh, it keeps us employed! and or parenting.) Condoning adoption (international and domestic infant adoption) is, to me, like hoping for a good ole wreck, how many “casualties” can we get from this one AND how many can we RESCUE and take home with us. Taking monetary or physical advantage of someone else’s disadvantage is despicable!

    “HEY, Pile the mother’s and father’s over there. Oooh, ooh, looky I found a BAAAABY!” “I maybe got a 2 year old over here.” “Hey, I found a 10 year old.” “THROW IT BACK! Over there, with the mother’s and father’s. That one has a history and active memories and is able to verbally express them. We can’t control and shape the narrative of one THAT old.”

    Sound extreme? Hardly. Many of us were put in positions that we lost our family, our jobs, our homes, our churches, and any social ‘support’ as THEY wanted baby for others. AS IF the whole world had crashed around us. For many it did. And those that claimed to be ‘helpers to others’ hosp., dr., social services, only helped themselves to our children. You want to talk about TRUST issues. NO aspect of society was there to aid.

    I wonder how the world would react if there was a major weather disaster and it devastated a family and NO-one and NOTHING was there to help them. EXCEPT to send in scavengers to pick out what THEY wanted from the wreckage and walk away.

    Sigh!

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