God Even Rewards People for NOT Adopting

Sometimes, just for wanting to adopt, he gives them their very own baby!

The Jensens had a child, but they wanted another. So after they spent lots of money on fertility treatments and went through two *miscarriages, they decided to adopt because some of their friends got cute little Ethiopian orphans-or-were-they-who-cares?

Like many people who started out wanting Ethiopians, they chose Congo instead. Pardon my suspicious mind, but why not Ethiopia? No more babies, too much money, too much waiting? I mean, that’s what happens when everybody gets there before you: The country gets wise to the lying, cheating, child-purchasing  international adoption game, er, runs out of kids worth adopting, er, waiting children.

Admitting they just didn’t know any better (and didn’t bother to find out), the Jensens turned to the so-corrupt-it’s-been-closed-but-we-won’t-mention-that-either Congo. A Google search would have turned up horror stories, but that’s too hard. So is keeping in touch with one’s adoption agency, which didn’t contact them often enough. The Jensens believed everything said agency told them, including that the girl was Really Truly Theirs. Then

The adoption failed.

Their little girl’s grandmother intervened and took custody of the child and her brother

Um, didn’t you guys want to help a child who really needed a family? You didn’t say so, of course, but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt since this story is about your good intentions.

…because she feared they were being brought to the United States for slavery. […]

You know, if I were a grandmother in the Congo, and some Nice USAian White People wanted to spend lots of money to take my grandchild away from me forever (and I’m assuming here she wasn’t promised the kid would come home again at age eighteen as so many foreign relinquishers have been), I might think that, too. Because if there are two things everyone knows about the USA, it’s that we perfected race-based chattel slavery and that we almost never do nice things without expecting anything in return. We certainly don’t often spend money without expecting anything in return. But on to the happy ending and god’s mysterious ways.

When the agency sent a caseworker to the village to try to explain that the Jensens wanted to make a new life for the girl, the grandmother wouldn’t believe it. According to Jennifer, the woman told the agency members to never return.

Despite the heartache, Jennifer said she is convinced that God wanted them to attempt to adopt.

“I honestly don’t think we would have gotten pregnant with Makenna if we didn’t send in those adoption papers. I think (God) wanted us to trust him.” […] Makenna was born in January 2013, six months before the adoption failed.

Well, the Jensens are wiser now, and if they had it to do all over again, they’d do it differently. For one thing, they didn’t get all their money back. For another, they’d definitely nag the agency more so they didn’t get such a nasty shock. In other words, they have learned nothing. Nothing about international adoption, nothing about corruption, nothing about the folly of trusting people who take their money, nothing. Which is exactly what readers will learn about adoption from this article. Which wouldn’t bother me so much if it didn’t pretend to do otherwise:

Accurate data on failed adoptions can be difficult to find because a child’s records may be closed or personal information may be changed during the adoption process.

Is it really? …May they REALLY?! How do such things happen?! And how is it an audience can be as ignorant about adoption as this article’s readership is presumed to be?

Also, adoption dissolutions and disruptions may both be categorized as failures […].

Because they are failures, damnit.

Dissolutions and disruptions often happen because the adoptive family identifies behavior problems they did not foresee or find themselves incapable of handling.

And they often happen because APs who adopt in order to “save an orphan” can be entitled people who act on impulse, do no research, lack all foresight (like the woman yesterday who couldn’t believe her new child jumped on the sofa), and can’t finish what they start. But, like pretty much anything factual about adoption, that’s not something this article talks about. It talks abut being rewarded for such ignorance, and that is all fucked-up. (Forgive me for pimping that post again; I think its brilliant.)

*which is really horrible and I am truly sorry

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4 Comments

Filed under AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!, Jesus Told Me To, The Adoption Process Moral Pedestal

4 responses to “God Even Rewards People for NOT Adopting

  1. Lara/Trace

    Reblogged this on ☀️ army of one ☀️ and commented:
    all f*cked up

  2. Few things annoyme more in the infertility community than those who say if you adopt you’ll get pregnant. As if the adoption process has some type of impact on the science of conception. I bet my life that if my wife and I pursued adopting that the modding pieces of my Y Chromosome would magically grow back. And I am pretty confident that had this couple never even look into adopting that the wife still would have gotten pregnant.

    • I hate that, too, and I was appalled to learn rather recently that the idea is still out there. It’s ridiculous magical thinking, and it’s hurtful. I know an adoptee whose a’mom blamed her for not magically fixing her fertility until the day she (the a’mom) died.

      Of course she would have gotten pregnant.

      • That’s awful. I’m so sorry that person was blamed for her mothers infertility. That was clearly a case of a woman that never dealt with her pain and took it out on someone that had nothing to do with her pain.

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