comes this guaranteed-to-make-ya-click advice column rerun. It’s not nearly archival enough.
Carolyn Hax is an advice columnist for The Washington Post. This “rerun” column posted on 16 August, 2015:
Carolyn Hax is away. In her absence, we are offering columns from her archive.
Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are “bidding”
if you put quotation marks around this word, it won’t be true
for a closed adoption
really, what other kind is there?
through our church. The birth mother is 17 and already has a child.
It’s two thousand somethingsomething and our local church, rather than helping a girl who clearly needs help, is raffling off her baby. We are the bestest Christians ever!
She is considering us as well as one other couple. This process involves a lot of waiting and is really fraying my nerves. We are the “better” couple — higher income, more child care experience, a son who can’t wait to be a big brother, and we live in the suburbs (while the other family has a condo in the city). We have not yet met the mother, but the other couple has apparently established a friendly relationship with her.
This is wrong not because it’s coercive, of course, but because it allowed them to cut in line ahead of ME. Can you imagine–there’s something I want, and there’s actually a line to wait for it, and there are people who aren’t me in the line, and I have to wait behind them? just because they got there first? Where, I ask you Lord Jesus, is the justice in that?!
We hope to do the same over the summer, to help her decision process
by which I mean to help her pick us and our superior suburban money, NOW because oh mah precious fraying nerves
My problem is
that slavery no longer exists
that I cannot come to terms with the fact that the choice will ultimately rest with this girl
when obviously she should simply punt the baby into my lap and disappear without my having to sully my hands with her. I mean who does she think she is, the baby’s mother?!
by which I mean in reality
my husband and I are the easy
by which I mean obvious, correct, only and One True
choice. Nothing against the other couple
except that they suck and we rock, of course
but I believe if it were up to an objective party, anyone would choose us. But the process is designed so that the girl
the child’s own mother! I mean, can you believe this shit?!
has the final say, which I can’t understand. Why should it be her decision? She has already demonstrated questionable decision-making capabilities
in bringing into this world the child I want to love and cherish and raise as my own, that stupid slut
and she will never know anything about us besides what she learns over a couple of casual lunches. We hope to make a good impression on her, but I am really going to pieces over the thought that maybe there are factors we won’t be able to influence. Why is this OK??? — Atlanta
Carolyn’s reply: Dear Atlanta: If I were the mom, your quickness to dismiss both the other couple and my right to make decisions for my baby would disqualify you without so much as a follow-up “casual lunch.”
What I see are two families who want a child, and both may offer this baby a wonderful home — neither one “better” than the other, just different. And I see a mother who got herself in a stupid spot but who is doing her best to get out of it, in the way that best serves her child.
If you can’t get over yourself long enough to see this isn’t a competition, but instead a community effort to save a life — and, therefore, that any good home is a great outcome, even if the home isn’t yours — then I hope you’ll recuse yourself from the “auction” altogether. — Yours truly, City-Dweller
Nice answer, Carolyn.Please look away while I vomit. Yours truly, Snarkuchin.