I’ll Just Leave This Here.

Now snark away, snark away, SNARK AWAY, ALL!


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5 Things You Can Do to Show Your Adopted Parents You Love Them

Returning the love is vital in all relationships.






When you were adopted, it wasn’t just your parents who adopted you to be their child. You also adopted them to be your parents. If you were a baby, you obviously didn’t have a say in it, but people who cared about you did. They made sure you ended up in a stable home with parents who would love and care for you your whole life. Or you may have been an older child wanting, even pleading, for someone to adopt you. Either way, you were fortunate enough to be brought by loving parents into a family, just as though you had been born there.

My husband and I are parents of five adopted children, so I know how it feels to be an “adopted mom.” When our kids were little, we loved holding them and tucking them into bed with stories and songs. Some days, I was completely exhausted caring for three little ones under 3 years old. Yes, you heard right. Once we started adopting, we went for it, and God blessed us with these three in three years. I loved being their mom. Two more came along later.

Through the years, they’ve all expressed their love for us in many sweet ways. Here are just few of the things they’ve done that let us know they love us. I could list many more, but this will do for now.

5 Things Our Kids Do to Make Sure We Know We’re Loved

  1. They call us.

When we adopted our first child, a tiny baby boy we named Michael, we were happy beyond words. For years we had wanted a baby but could not give birth to our own. Holding this sweet baby in my arms and knowing he was mine was a dream come true. We cannot express the love we feel for this son. He’s a grown man with children of his own now. And what a blessing he is to us! Now here’s the fun part. Even though he lives hundreds of miles away, he calls us every week at least once, sometimes more. Last time he called, which was just two days ago, he said, “Just checking in on you and Dad. Are you doing OK? I sure do love you.”  How do you think that made us feel? He worries about us and always makes sure we’re doing well. That’s what a good son does. It puts a big smile on our faces every time.

We love it when he shares his life with us, tells us about his job and what he and his wife did for fun that week, or shares a hard time he might be going through. Then he asks us what we’ve been up to. He cares. We wish he lived closer, but with today’s technology we keep in touch quite well. He’s a computer geek and keeps us updated on the latest, including how to use Skype. We love seeing his face as we talk. It’s fun when his wife wanders into the room and says “hi” to us, too. They have a cute little dog that we call our granddog. Sometimes when we’re talking, she climbs up on his lap and vies for the camera. It’s so cute. We almost feel like we’re there. As for his kids, they grew up. The fun part is, they call and check on us, too. We love this sweet family he’s given us.

  1. They thank us for hanging in there during the tough times.

When our daughter Lynda was a young teenager, she was a bit difficult (and so were the others at times). She didn’t like our rules. Sound normal? Yes, she was pretty normal in that department. So we had to learn how to discipline her with love. Sometimes it was really challenging. There were a few times we heard the words, “I hate you!” It hurt, but we knew she didn’t really mean it.

I made some mistakes along the way. After all, I had never been a mom before, so I wasn’t all that good at it at first. Even as they grew I still made mistakes. But I kept trying my best to be a good mom. That’s what moms do. We keep on doing the best we know how.

Now here’s the interesting part. Lynda now has a daughter who gives her fits just like she gave us. It makes me chuckle a little inside when she calls and says, “How can she do that to me?! After all I’ve done for her.” Deja vu. I know exactly how she feels. Then she says, “Thanks, Mom, for hanging in there with me when I was such a brat.” I promise her that it will all work out well if she just hangs in there with her daughter, like it has for us.

A few weeks ago this daughter moved about six hours away to a new home. Last week, she sent me a card (well, us—she loves her daddy, too, so it was for both of us). It was cute, with an adorable dog holding a smiling sun. The card said, “You are my sunshine! Thinking of you, both of you.” Then she wrote a sweet message, which in part said, “Just wanted to drop a quick note and let you know how much I love and miss you.”  I love that she sent the card because I can save it. She calls and sends me text messages, too, but you can’t put them in a scrapbook.

  1. They thank us for adopting them.

Many years ago when our other daughter Carol was about 12 years old, something happened that I’ve never forgotten. It was a simple thing, but it meant the world to her father and me. Let me set the stage by telling you that this daughter is mentally disabled. She spent her school years in special education classes. She endured ridicule from insensitive “friends.” Her life has been challenging, for her and us. Through it all, our love is real and never-ending. Here’s what this special child said to me that day as we sat in our living room. I can’t remember what we were doing, but, like I said, I’ll never forget what she said.

She looked up at me and, out of the blue, said, “Thank you for adopting me. No one else would want me.” I assured her again of how much we love her. It broke my heart to think she would say that no one else would want her. But it touched me deeply to hear her thanking us for adopting her. It was way beyond her years and her mental capacity to think like that. She would surprise us every now and then with statements that belied her mental condition. We knew that inside her is a whole person we will someday know in a life beyond this one. In the meantime, we continue to do all we can to make her life as whole as it can be in her situation.

  1. They send us cards with loving messages.

When we receive greeting cards on special days from our youngest son, who is now a principal of an elementary school, he always writes personal messages to us. On my birthday this year he sent me a beautiful card. The best part was the hand-written message at the bottom. He wrote, “I hope you have a happy birthday. I love you and appreciate all you have taught me and do for me. Love, your son, Paul.” Alongside was another endearing message from his sweet wife. I am always filled with overflowing gratitude at these cards and messages.

  1. They call us their “real” parents.

Our son, John, filled my heart with warmth and love the day he told his younger brother that when friends ask him if he wants to meet his real mother some day he says, “I’ve already met her. Every day when I come home from school, she’s there with snacks for me. That’s my real mother.” I love that he feels that way because that’s what I consider myself. I can’t imagine having any children besides these precious ones that heaven brought into our home.

We feel so blessed to have these five delightful, interesting, caring children as our own. And we’re getting the message that they feel the same about us. That’s what I call happiness.

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AUTHOR / Joy Lundberg  

Joy Lundberg and her husband, Gary, are the parents of 5 children, all of whom were adopted. They are also the proud grandparents of 20 grandchildren. Joy is a prize-winning lyricist and has written/co-written several books and articles about marriage and families with her husband. Learn more about her on their website.


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Filed under Adopted And Happy!, AdoptoLand, General Ignoramitude, Sad and beautiful, Stop Saying That, The Adoption Process Moral Pedestal, WTF?!, You're going to Hell for this.

12 responses to “I’ll Just Leave This Here.

  1. I am finding it hard to read this too closely because the sentiments this adopter expresses are so close to my own narcissistic amother’s feelings about what a child should do and, in contrast, the complete opposite from what I expect of my son. Like my amother, this adopter expects constant phone calls and declarations of gratitude and love – “That’s what a good son does.” When my son reaches adulthood, I will be happy to get his calls, when he wants to call me, not because he feels obligated. I wonder if this adopter, like my amother, becomes distant and withdraws love when her adopted children do not behave as expected.

  2. Where do I send my über thankful, grateful greeting card to, Bastard Hedgehog goddess?

  3. Oh My!!! proof unrefutable that they love us, us ,us!!!!

  4. TAO

    I kind of feel bad for her – she’s from the era that produced many parents just like her. That fully believed that indoctrinating your children to be thankful that you adopted them was the way to go.

    On the other hand – it was demeaning and dehumanizing to every adoptee, as if to say, if you want to be *seen* as human do this….

    The best thing – people who have read it may now understand exactly why adoptee bristle and talk about why it’s not okay to tell an adoptee to be grateful they were adopted…

  5. emily

    I believe 100% of the 70+ comments that were made about this article on the adoption dot com website (before said article was unceremoniously removed) made the point that expecting special gratitude for adopting is WRONG WRONG WRONG. Most were quite eloquent. If the author is truly a family counselor, I feel sorry for her patients. And I feel sorry for her children. 😦

  6. Oh. My.

    I just . . .I . . but . . .errmmmm. . .

    So many things in adoption land today that have left me completely dumbfounded.

  7. Cindy A.

    ”…after all, I had never been a mom before, so I wasn’t all that good at it at first…” but oh, hell I’m better than that wretch of a thing that birthed you. AREN’T I? AREN’T I? HUH? HUH? RIGHT? Call me, write me, thank me, tell me what a perfect ”””””real”””””’ mom I am. oh, oh yes, please. Tell me puh-leeeeeze that you are ever go grateful for -being rescued from that birth thing- oops! I mean for being adopted.

    No pressure there huh?

    Oh, and thanks ever so much ms adoptor…NOT!! for once again dehumanizing those who lost their children…

    ‘Dear’ Adoptive parent,
    Your joy is my sorrow
    your cooing babe is my broken heart….. but what do you care. .. you don’t, it shows.. so buh-bye!

    Today has not been a good day in adoption land. There is much sorrow out there… and it has left me heavy today. Tired of kissing their ……. b.. feelings. Just plain tired of it. You adoptors want all of us adoptees and first parents to tread lightly or not at all on your feelings but you can stomp all over ours without a care or a thought.. (so it seems). Am I wrong? I’m so sick and tired of hearing that.. oh, we were/are just doing what we were told, we..blah, blah, blah.. All the information was out there way back, long ago about the effects of adoption on adoptees and they and first parents have been speaking up for a very long time (DECADES!) You and those who procured the children you raise/d have known for a very long time what this thing called adoption does to the one adopted and to the parents… Stop playing the ignorance game. You all know good and well what is ‘the outcome’ for many, many!.. but the desire to have children and their praise and worship and adoration seems bigger than your heart. You don’t seem to care how much damage you cause just so long as you can claim (false) parenthood. (open adoption records and allow OBC access and I’ll stop saying -false-).
    Today, just today… I can feel no empathy for you at all. Yesterday? yes. Tomorrow may be different but for today… I think and feel you are horrid, covetous people. and you need to stop it. To expect ‘your child’ to in effect lick your boots.. some serious yuck going on there. Deal with your insecurity issues. It’s not your child’s responsibility to parent you.

    The comment ms adoptor said ‘her’ daughter made, ”thank you for adopting me, no-one else would want me”…eeesh! Did you adoptor plant that poisonous thought in her mind? Why did you ms adoptor not correct that and give that lovely child value and worth? …uhhhhhh. ’cause I wanted ALL THE PRAISE….. and all the feel good **I** could get’. ..yup! and I wanted permanent ‘ownership’ of the child… and by letting her think her other parents didn’t want her…or anyone else… welllllllllllll hahahahahahaha. all the better to permanently corrupt your mind my pretty. I’m your mommmmmmmyyy haaaaaahahahahhahahahaha. Only meeeeeeee.”
    night, night.

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