(Oh shit, it’s another day in November, and I haven’t posted yet. Forgive me for using that as an excuse to shovel out that drafts folder some more, please?)
…No clear answers, Mr. Gates?
That’s what anyone who lives adoption is most disturbed by: the stunning (OH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! –Because you adopted, that’s how) lack of clear answers.
Naw, not quite. Adoptees want clear answers. Original parents want clear answers. APs who feel ripped off want clear answers. APs who got the product they paid for often want lovey-fuzzy-schmuzzy “answers” that assure them they did right. They want them so badly they can pretend, in a porn-saturated culture, that they had no idea anyone would ever suspect white them of making fetish objects of their different-race daughters.
This is what you signed on for when you adopted from China, Mr. Gates. Oh, you didn’t know that? You never heard the phrase “China doll”? Nobody ever told you “Asian chicks” were “submissive” or (please forgive me) “sideways”? I don’t believe you. I do believe you never expected those stereotypes to matter to you or to anyone you love. That’s why you didn’t spend a single jiff considering the consequences of such stereotypes for your daughters before you adopted them, isn’t it? You thought it wasn’t going to happen to your girls because you think of them as yours, which means you think of them as white.
I’m not making that last part up. If someone thinks I am, I will gladly go and dig up all my links about white APs who didn’t see their Chinese daughters as Chinese…and don’t seem to think that means anything. And my links about the Korean woman who says she grew up thinking she was white. And so forth.
I’ll try to be more up-to-date tomorrow.