Do I even have to say I think it would be a better use of money to “crowdfund” a woman’s keeping her baby? I hope I don’t.

Here’s yet another article that might as well have been written with the sole purpose of showing how little adoption is about the best interests of the child and how much it is about the desires of adults.

Unexpected events […] led Leah and Kevin Masseth […] to create a GoFundMe page to help with the costs of adopting a boy from South Korea. They thought they would have to fly to Korea only once, and that the entire process would take about 18 months.

But it has now been three years, and the Masseths recently learned they will have to fly to Korea twice, once to get court approval and the second time to bring home their son, whom they have named Noah.

OK, look…they didn’t know? Wasn’t it their business to know? If the rules were changed without any notice, then that sucks, but if that were the case, wouldn’t the article say so? Of course it would. We’d all be much more likely to contribute if the couple had been tricked. Everyone knows it’s very, very wrong to “swindle” (but people are not products!) or “bait and switch” (no, people are definitely not products!) PAPs and APs out of the perfect product they paid for. I can only conclude that they, like so many PAPs, found adoption so cripplingly expensive that they rushed in willy-nilly, shelling out wad after wad of cash for “fees” and “gifts” and other bribes whenever they were asked to do so while asking as few questions as possible.

Adoption is a little bit like prostitution in this respect: Everyone wants babies, but it’s wrong to buy them, because babies are people. It is, happily, much wronger to sell babies then it is to buy them, which makes people who sell them less than human, which is what makes it acceptable to buy their babies.

The Masseths have a 7-year-old biological daughter. After she was born they tried to have another child. Leah had six miscarriages and two ectopic pregnancies before they decided to adopt.

If you suffer a lot in trying to get something but don’t get it, strangers owe it to you to buy you a consolation-prize version of that thing, even if you already have one. I would like to invoke this principle yesterday so I could be disappointed about not having tenure but settling for the full-time job my degrees were supposed to earn me at the very least.

They wanted a child from Korea because Kevin had visited the country, and they have friends who were adopted from there as children.

Do they have a nursery already decorated? You bet your ass they do. Seriously, I wish I knew how people make this kind of sympathetic magic work. I could probably afford to rent an office somewhere and claim (while living in it) that it was my tenured professor’s office and alll I need is the job with tenure to fill it, because that would make me so very happy and help so many students who are in need of classes taught by tenured professors (which is true). I am very, very far along the tenure-track job process. My job is in the pipeline! I spent a lot of money on these degrees. I did everything right! It’s not fair!

“So many babies and children are in need of adoption,” Leah Masseth said. “At first we wanted to adopt, and the costs scared us. But we found there are so many opportunities for us to raise money.”

“So many babies…are in need of adoption.” It’s only the third. I don’t know how I’m gonna blog my way through this November at all, at all.


Filed under AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!, Those Wacky PAPs

18 responses to “Crowdfunding

  1. Disgusting display of entitlement and selfishness. Also, guess what guys? If you’re so bugged about multiple trips to Korea, there are lots of children right here in the U.S. that need to be adopted. And then maybe you don’t need to troll your community for thousands of dollars.

  2. Katie

    Completely disgusting and ought to be illegal. All adoption fundraising should be illegal, period. No exceptions, ever.

    If folks want to adopt (for whatever reason) and cannot afford to adopt from overseas, there are 100k US foster kids whose parental rights have already been terminated who are WAITING for adoptive parents. These folks don’t want to adopt a kid in need of parents — they want a baby & expect others to buy one for them.

    In addition, and this might just be my pet peeve, but the adopters that beg for cash from strangers (crowdfund) are invariably the ones who get the kid home only to beg for EVEN MORE MONEY, because they’ve no financial ‘cushion’ if the new kid needs a ton of dental work (not covered by insurance), mom loses her job & can’t find a new one for months or dad breaks his leg and is off work for several months.

    • If people can’t afford to adopt from overseas, here’s a crazy idea, maybe they can’t afford to raise a kid either.

      I know, I know… finances and kids don’t really work out that way, but seriously, I wonder why more people haven’t at least raised this as a possibility.

  3. Crowdfunding to keep families together is EXACTLY what I do! I have built a network across the nation of mothers of adoption loss, adopted people and even some foster mothers who ‘GET IT’ that adoption separation should only ever be a last resort after all efforts to remove the obstacles that a mother is feeling in her crisis pregnancy. We help the mothers figure out what it is that is making them feel like they cannot be the parent they want to be and help restore the faith that they have lost in themselves. Our network has helped over 25 mothers keep their children over the last 2 1/2 years. 2 have been able to revoke consent and were able to get their sons back. We accompanied one mother to the PAPs home where there were 6 people waiting for her (intimidation attempt), but because one of our members was with her, and they had no idea who she was (a cop? CPS?, an attorney?), they left the mom leave with her child without so much as a word. Currently, I am in the process of helping 2 more mothers who have reached out online for help while considering giving their unborn children to strangers. A third sadly just miscarried. They are in crisis, and they need help. If anyone is interested in joining our grass roots movement, please feel free to contact me. You can contact me through my blog and through my FB page with the same name as my wordpress ID. We would love to have you. I will continue to grow this movement by any means possible. The ‘villages’ that it takes to raise children have been lost. They must be restored. I presented at the CUB 2014 retreat this past October, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to grow this movement. Our voices will be heard by our actions. # familypreservationfirst #supportopenrecords #adoptionseparationlast Thank you for posting this to allow your readers to see. It is greatly appreciated.

  4. TAO

    Saw one the other day fundraising so they could to go pick up their baby in the hospital – between two states (Arizona / Arkansas)….

  5. Reblogged this on Totally Awry and commented:
    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.
    So many people like to tote out the “If you can’t afford kids without help, don’t have them”, in regard to single parents and low income parents.
    If you need to crowd fund a bloody adoption, you need to take a look at yourself.

  6. Could not agree more. I have watched this activity grow not just in the US but here in the UK and I cannot for the life of me understand the mentality. If you cannot meet the financial requirements of adoption then why do it? But then I guess it goes back to this attitude that it is a “human right” to have a child. NO IT IS NOT. Along with the very unaltraistic language applied to babies and children. ‘That’s my child’, S/he belongs to me – NO NO NO that baby, that child is not a possession. They are not familial accessories they are human beings! Rant over – sorry

    • I think that it is a human right to keep and raise any baby you produce with your own body (and that includes the egg or sperm you contributed to the reproduction, though I’m a bigot and I think mothers should have first priority for biological reasons I’ll not get into here), as long as you don’t then violate your child’s human right to not be neglected or abused. But there is NO human right to take away someone else’s baby to raise for yourself, PERIOD… just like there is no human right to take an Olympic runner’s feet and have them grafted onto your legs because you want to win a marathon. One makes about as much sense as the other.

  7. Reblogged this on Lucy Sheen actor writer filmmaker adoptee and commented:
    Crowdfunding to enable people to adopt this in my opinion should not be allowed

  8. Thank you for this interesting post!! I really appreciate it. I hate to admit that I never thought of it from this perspective until the last year or so. Although we adopted through foster care, when I saw fundraisers I was never bothered by them. Which is why I appreciate you posting this (so that other naive people like I was will consider it).

  9. Pingback: Link to Blog Post on Adoptive-Parent-Wanna-bees on Crowd Funding | FORBIDDEN FAMILY

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