The Only Words I Have Are Effwords

“Why,” asks Yemsrach’s mother, “did an adoption agency tell Angelina Jolie I died of AIDS when they gave her my baby?”

If she doesn’t know, she’s the only human being on this planet who doesn’t know. I will tell you why, even though you know and I know and everyone you know knows and everyone involved in adoption damned well fucking knows:

The agency told Angelina Jolie that because it’s what Angelina Jolie wanted to hear, and because the agency knew she would hand over the money without asking many questions. Everybody knows that. Absolutely everybody who’s read an article or three about international adoption in the past ten years knows the international adoption industry is an exceptionally corrupt one.

I’ve had it. I’m so tired of the constant, self-justifying drone of “not MY adoption” and “My baby was left by the side of the road/is a Real True Orphan/was totally gonna die.” So fuck international adoption. Fuck “We didn’t know.” And if you can’t do the amount of homework and research to add someone to your family that you’d put into buying a used car, then fuck you  and fuck your expectations of sympathy.

The sellers of children and the sellers of used cars have a few very important things in common: They want your money, they will lie to you, and they need to move the product, now, before it’s too old. You know this. Everybody knows this. Only one group, however, is selling human beings. That means they should be held up to even more scrutiny than the other group, because children are people and people are more important than things. Everybody knows that.

And if you did your research, discovered all the “used car dealers” you could find were crooks, and did business with them anyway because this was the “car” you wanted, even to the point of helping them steal the “car” yourself, well, fuck you twice, and fuck all your supporters, and fuck everyone who helped you, you filthy, underhanded, heartless, soulless thieving piece of shit.

And if you discover your “car” was stolen and won’t return him or her anyway? There are not enough fuck yous on planet Earth.

Really, is there any other situation in which someone stands to score tens of thousands of dollars from you…and you believe everything they say? Any other situation in which you’d think of paying a cash bribe as an acceptable way of doing business? And if you are rich and famous, all that goes double. You know you’re at a bigger risk of being lied to than the average person. And yeah, so does everybody else.

In 2004, when it became apparent that Rath’s adoption was dodgy, Angelina said “I would never rob a mother of her child. I can only imagine how dreadful that would feel.”

No, you can’t, Ms. Jolie. If you allowed  yourself to imagine it, you’d have to feel bad about the fact that you had a baby delivered to you on a movie set by a bad, bad actor. And I don’t give a damn if you didn’t know, because you didn’t bother to find out. The online adult adoptee community and others were raising the alarm about Galindo for a long time before anything was done about her. That’s how these stories generally go. With Lauryn Galindo, they go back to at least 2000. Angelina Jolie could have learned about Galindo before she adopted simply by Googling her name. But Lauryn said she was Doing Good, and that was good enough for Angelina Jolie, who cares so, so much about mothers who lose their children.

Jolie continued, “Maddox is my baby, he is by my side all the time, and I think I can give him so much. I can no more imagine living without him than not breathing.”

That makes it OK. That’s how some people sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that having money and things is much better than having one’s own country, language, and family. (Naturally, most of these sweetly sleeping grown-ups were brought up in their own families and countries, and they have all that stuff plus money and things, so they know alll about that trade-off and how it might feel to a child.)

Parents of international adoption, stop lying to a country that already seems eager to ignore any bad thing it ever hears about any adoption–especially if you’re rich and famous. You’re in a position to make international adoption better for everyone. You have the country’s ear. Stop using that power to make things worse instead of better (YOU GO MONYETTA SHAW!).

Stop lying to yourselves.

Stop lying to your children. You’re hurting them.

There is no excuse for this “I didn’t know”-ing. You did know. If you participated in international adoption, certainly within the past ten years, you know you were risking doing something very, very wrong.

And I don’t know why you think you should get to feel better if you really didn’t know. If you really didn’t know, what should anyone think of you? That you’re too selfish, blind and stupid to be raising any kids? That’s not one bit better, is it?



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13 responses to “The Only Words I Have Are Effwords

  1. Nancy Rodgers

    I think you said it well and can only add a few of my own F# Y#s to the whole filthy business. Maddox has a mother who is living so I wonder about “never robbing a mother of her child”. If I remember correctly the story was she was an addicted to something, wouldn’t be the first time a mother or father was made out to be unfit to justify taking their child. But it’s all for the best he’s an accessory now like the entire new crop of celebrity abductees. It’s the wild west anything goes, gag!

  2. Moongirl

    The WORST examples are Mary McBride of and Staci of – they each adopted from Ethiopia TWICE.

    ET Adoption #1: Encountered fraud, felt bad, hired an investigator, decided the FIRST HAND encounter with fraud was no biggie, completed the adoption.

    TURNED AROUND AND ADOPTED FROM ETHIOPIA AGAIN. After 2009. After “Fly Away Children” and “Mercy Mercy”.

    ET Adoption #2: Hired an investigator, decided the fraud they’d overlooked was “no biggie”, got the second kid/kids from Ethiopia home.

    Once home, having adopted all the ET kids they wanted, both now write moving posts about the horrors of fraud in international adoption. Of how nobody should adopt from ET because it just funds the CORRUPTION. They do NOT actually care about ethics… well, they sort of do, but DIDN’T until they got all the kids they wanted safely back to the US.

    They. Don’t. Care. About. Ethics.

    Staci and Mary don’t care about ethics. They wanted Ethiopian kids, it’s the “cool” thing to do. So they bought them.

    (My heart breaks for the fact that all THREE of Staci’s ET kids are basket cases as a direct result of the TRAUMA caused by their adoption. Staci even sends the oldest 2 ET kids back to ET every so often to hang out with their FIRST MOM, whom both DESPERATELY WANT TO LIVE WITH FULL time.

    However, Staci totally deserves the fact that her adopted kids are basket cases. Little Tsega tries to strangle himself with electric cords, to strangle others with electric cords, presumably to strangle his newly acquired services dog with electrical cords, to screech like a banshee instead of sitting at a table like a civilized human being. I sincerely hope Tsega finds a way to put himself back together ASAP, heck, yesterday. But Staci deserves to be stressed out, to get zero support, to be terrified of what her non-functioning Tsega will do because SHE CAUSED HIM ALL THAT TRAUMA. She deserves it. Tsega doesn’t. She SO does!!).

  3. SarahM

    I can’t stand “God led me to go to this impoverished country to take this child”, “God (rather than all of your money) made this happen” and “there is nothing corrupt about my adoption because it was a Christian agency”. And worse – when they get home and wail about how hard it is to be an adoptive parent, or worst of all when they adopted an older child who is grieving for their lost family and they have the nerve to ask for prayers that the child will call the adoptress “mother”.

  4. Well said.

    It’s so frustrating that even once the truth of international adoption has been revealed, figureheads for the movement (like Ms. Jolie) refuse to do anything to correct such miscarriages of justice, or even use their media influence to bring these complicated stories to light, to prevent this from happening in the future.

  5. Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Me too!!!

  6. Lara/Trace

    This link is going to post on Saturday at – you are effing brilliant!

  7. Pingback: Effing brilliant writers, changing names, Becoming | lara

  8. Annette

    Wow, typical angry post by someone off their meds. Forget the children, its more important for you to voice your insane opinion than actually doing anything to help anyone. Someone totally should have flushed you, that’s for sure.

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