Children Deserve (White, Rich) Families

Nauseating. Repulsive. Incredible. UGH.

The snurchin doesn’t know anything about Katie Jay and her blog; I just stumbled on a link to this page.

This article slams kinship care really hard, but **provides no evidence for doing so. I can only conclude the author would never, EVER leave her own child in the care of her own parents (its grandparents)  because kinship care means a child risks being starved and denied an education. (You can’t trust relatives to look after your child. You can only trust strangers from another continent who will never have to give you an accounting of how they treated your child.)

Of course, Katie Jay’s grandparents would never deny her child any food or education they couldn’t afford to buy, because they’re white, and aren’t white people the best? Really, aren’t we just the most loving and compassionate people anywhere? It’s true because we say it is…so you can just ignore anything we do that might appear to be cruel. Like, you know, making a child’s very survival contingent on its being flown halfway around the world and expected to love strangers just because we like needy babies but don’t like needy grown-ups.

Or like killing children by starvation or beatings. Or like subjecting children to torture. Or like keeping them in cages. Or like adopting them just to get a government subsidy. Or like adopting them for the sole purpose of sexually abusing them and making them participate in child porn. Or like handing them off to people we know nothing about when they inconvenience us…while continuing to collect that government subsidy. No, no poor nation can possibly match our level of civilization, wisdom, love, and compassion.

“[W]hen some countries hear about rare instances of adoptive family abuse, it resonates with them: that is what they are used to seeing in their own culture.

Bullshit. If abuse were what they were used to seeing, they wouldn’t get all butthurt and do tacky shit like stop letting USAians stop adopting their children over it, would they? If abuse were what they were used to seeing, they wouldn’t think of it as abuse, just childrearing…wouldn’t they? So who’s the person minimizing and normalizing abuse here, Katie Jay? YOU ARE.

But no, other cultures are just screwed-up. They cage their own children and make them star in porn films all the time! As Katie Jay’s about to tell you, they don’t even understand the importance of having a permanent family, even though they might well have been raised in one (just like Katie Jay! Oh shit I did not just say that! these people are nothing like Katie Jay!):

“But because of a growing awareness that a child has a human right to a permanent family, countries that don’t offer adoption are in the hot seat. And they are on the defensive.”

Other countries need us to teach them children deserve permanent families. The family, like “true adoption,” is a “modern phenomenon” white people invented. Why, before we happened along to Show Them The Way, people of non-Western cultures swapped babies every month for the sheer fun of watching the babies get confused. They might have kinship terms that are more elaborate and specific than our language can accommodate, but they have no idea what they mean, the savage morons. Love? Family? What are those? Teach us, Great White Mother, for your ways are clearly superior.

(And I can’t believe she brought up Cinderella and the fairy godmother. You understand the only character an A’mom might play in that fairy tale is that of the stepmother, right, Katie Jay? You know, the one who treats a child not her own the way you say poor, nonwhite people’s kin treat them?)

“When countries see foreigners embracing their children in a way that they won’t, they are embarrassed. And suspicious. This shame then morphs into xenophobia, racism, and nationalism, which creates or sustains horrible child welfare laws.”

Let me break this down for you, Katie Jay. Well-off whitefolks in Western nations don’t embrace children in a way their real families/nations won’t; they do it in a way those families/nations can’t afford to. They’re not pathological and they are not inhuman. They’re simply the victims of an inhuman pathology (white privilege, colonialism, whatever one calls it) that is almost certainly responsible for their being so desperately poor as to sell their children in the first place. If they don’t want to smile as they sell us their children, that’s not their shame, it’s ours: We expect them to smile as they sell us their children.

“Sell me your baby for the kind of money it would take you ten years to make…or I will turn my back on you all, and   you and Baby will die.” How on earth could anyone take such an enlightened, compassionate attitude as an excuse to feel shame, xenophobia, *racism, or nationalism? I mean, really, what is wrong with these people, Katie Jay? Don’t they know nationalism is only appropriate for citizens of certain, superior countries? And wouldn’t you behave more graciously in their place?

Of course you wouldn’t. And it seems clear to me that you’ve never spent any time imagining being in their place. I don’t understand why you aren’t ashamed of yourself. And, if I were a parent in another land, I’d never let you adopt my child. Because if you hold me in such obvious, unapologetic contempt while you ask me to trust you with my child forever, you will surely raise my child to think of me with contempt. One day you will look at that child and see my face, and you will very possibly feel contempt for the child. Or you will never look at the child and see me–only your pale and perfect reflection, meaning you will have no consideration for my child’s struggles in your world.

To top it off, you don’t even discuss corruption. You don’t even nod at it and call it this thing that rarely happens; you just ignore it. Kidnappings, forced childbirth, abductions…they don’t merit a mention. (And sealed records? What’s wrong with those?) You do mention that these primitive creatures people don’t understand true modern adoption, but say nothing about how this misunderstanding has been purposely manipulated, over and over again, to convince parents who don’t know what adoption really means to sell their children. They think the kids will be educated and sent back to them. They actually believe in the goodness and compassion and benevolence of the USA and its citizens, just as you claim to do, Katie Jay. The poor fools. The poor, desperate, starving fools. Obviously, they shouldn’t be raising children.

But you’re not the racist. You’re not the xenophobe. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I…just…holy shit, Katie Jay.

*Again: The resentment of people of color for the way white people have treated them for the past five centuries or so is not racism, and it never will be.

**Or does it? I don’t remember seeing such, but the OP provides a link in the comments.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Children Deserve (White, Rich) Families

  1. Nancy Rodgers

    Well said. I have nothing to say but yup!

  2. I actually DID provide evidence that many cultures do not treat kinship care like adoption. Here is the blog post link, which is full of studies, including by UNICEF, citing the prevalence of abuse and trafficking in kinship care: http://childrendeservefamilies.com/birth-parents-choose-orphanage-kinship-care/

    Thanks for reading.

    -Katie

    • Not treating a relationship as a “real, true, legal, Western, sacrifice-your-identity-for-your-food-and-our-love adoption” does not necessarily make it an inferior relationship. You can find several instances of terrible kinship care. I can find several instances of terrible USA AP care.

      And why cite UNICEF? Aren’t they horrible anti-adoption propagandists or something?

      • I cite UNICEF studies on how prevalent kinship care abuse is precisely because UNICEF has traditionally opposed international adoption. Although, as UNICEF has witnessed the limitations of temporary care solutions, they have fortunately started to reevaluate their adoption policy stance.

  3. Point taken: Citing one’s opponents in one’s favor is an excellent argumentation technique.

    Any thoughts on economic inequalities in IA, corruption in IA, and/or the xenophobia, racism and nationalism embodied in receiving rather than sending countries where IA is concerned?

  4. TAO

    So let me understand that “trafficking and abuse” ONLY happens in Kinship Adoptions and NEVER in the MODERN ADOPTION IN THE USA…that’s what she is saying? So those adoptive parents in jail were wrongly convicted? The charges against IAG are wrong? The IAG employee who plead guilty to really horrible things – just felt like pleading guilty to something she did not do? Jail must be a place everyone wants to go to – go figure.

    Simple Adoption (still practiced in France and other European countries) has been around for a long time all over the world – even in African Countries. What hasn’t been around is Plenary Adoption that strips and severs the biological connection, and erases the child’s identity…not sure why a lawyer does not know this, or that each country may use a different term than Simple adoption – but that does not mean it does not exist and does not happen. To me Simple Adoption seems to be the most child-centered type of adoption model there is.

  5. Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Please check this one out and the first link!

  6. Katie Jay’s blog strikes me as no more than colonialism dolled up as Christian concern. The lack of love and compassion toward the families who would lose their children to the adoptions she promotes disturbs me.

    I wish Katie Jay could have joined my friends and I recently when we visited the grave of little Hyunsu Kim, killed by his adoptive father in the rich, white DC suburbs. Would she have, as others of her opinion do, run to the “rare” defense? Or would she have used the moment to reflect on adoption’s failings, which most definitely include the removal of far too many children from their families for no other reason than their financial status?

    Children do deserve families. But adoption is broken, and promoting more and more adoptions without acknowledging this and doing something about it is immoral.

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