“We didn’t get anything positive out of it whatsoever”

GOOD.

I swear to you, my head exploded just now. I had to go plucking bonebits off the ceiling and off the walls and out of the carpet and off the windows, and just when I thought I was done I found a piece of me atop one of the ceiling fan blades, and then it turned out some of the most important parts of my brain had been inside the vacuum cleaner bag for three or four days, and that sucked. But I’m OK now, truly. So read on.

Have you got pregnant and didn’t mean to, and don’t want to or can’t take care of it? My wife and I are wanting a kid, and it is legal to give it away within so many days, so if you know anyone like this please message.

“So many days.” How many days? Who gives a fuck? It’s not like these things are different in every state. It’s not like it matters. I mean, I could have looked that shit up, but I’m too lazy. That’s how you can tell I will be the bestest perfect loving father for your child: I simply don’t give enough of a motherfucking fucking fuckity-fuck to do thirty fucking seconds worth of fickety-fucking homework AAARRRRRRRGH

Sorry, there it goes again. )-:

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6 Comments

Filed under AdoptoLand, General Ignoramitude, Those Wacky PAPs, WTF?!

6 responses to ““We didn’t get anything positive out of it whatsoever”

  1. Nancy Rodgers

    WHY am I not surprised, EKKKKKKKKK! What a wonderful childhood for some lucky kid to grow up with this genius and his Mrs who I’m sure is equally charming and accomplished. It’s the wild west in adoptoworld, pretty frightening.

  2. In this circumstance, the wife is 19 and the husband is 22, and, they have been “trying” for 2 years without a baby…. Why yes, exactly the time to start needing someone else’s child.

  3. Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Giving ‘it’ away……

  4. Lara/Trace

    I’m laughing and crying at the same time – my mind must have exploded too

  5. name-story-face

    <>

    Those examples are so far away from the worst stuff I can think of that I hesitate to list most of my alternatives. Here is one “stuff,” though, that might be worse than the worst stuff Coy Gunter can think of: Being viewed, prebirth, as someone else’s mistakenly ordered, up-for-grabs lunch.

    But that’s just me.

  6. “some of the most important parts of my brain had been inside the vacuum cleaner bag for three or four days, and that sucked.”

    I see what you did there.

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