Adoption is Terrifying

I’m starting this video a full minute in because I care about my readers. You’re welcome.

Nevertheless, I am very, very sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I’m not doing it just to bring your attention to this hideous book-song-thing, although it is hideous.

I’m doing it to bring your attention to the banal terror of adoption. Watch the kids when the camera goes over to them around twenty seconds in. Now read the lyrics. Now try to convince yourself this work and this performance is intended to assure children their new parents love them unconditionally and want them to be happy.

Try very, very, very hard to make your face look as if that is what you believe as you listen to this song.

Now imagine realizing, before you’ve even hit puberty, that your life depends on this performance, and that the people who demand it of you are not only dead serious, but will exercise control over you until you’re eighteen…if you’re lucky. Because if you disappoint them, you could be out of their house and in the hands of a pedophile tomorrow.

Imagine your mom wrote the song your life depends on.

Imagine knowing very well that getting old enough to know better does not absolve your from honoring this narcisist bullshit your life depends on as if it were unconditional love. Imagine you barely have the power to mock it in the dark.

Imagine your life depends on this stupid fucking song and dance. For many adoptees, it does…literally. For many more of us, childhood only felt that way.




Filed under Adopted And Happy!, AdoptoLand, Film, Forever Family, What It's Like

17 responses to “Adoption is Terrifying

  1. Nancy Rodgers

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s like a SNL skit! I used to yearly get sick at my “adoption birthday” dinner, but what I went through pales next to being subjected to two crazy Bozos singing that little ditty.

  2. zygotepariah

    Man, I always said growing up adopted felt like dancing as fast as I could, with a spotlight aimed at me and a big red lipstick grin plastered to my face, on a grate covering a water tank filled with sharks. If my dancing wasn’t fast enough the grate would open. I tried to dance faster, harder, but I didn’t know the choreography and kept fumbling my steps.

    From the song lyrics: “There are those who think families happen by chance”.

    My afather was apparently infertile because he had mumps as a teen. I’m in my afamily because of mumps. My family happened by a virus. Don’t be jealous!

  3. Labtest Beagle

    Nancy, I was thinking the same thing. Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig would be hilarious, no doubt…but the fact that THIS version is real makes me want to grab that poor girl and stash her in a cave far far away from these freaks. WTF is wrong with this planet.

  4. I’m thankful my adoptive family never celebrated my adoption day. It would have been very odd, since my adoption was never spoken about. Birthdays were bad enough.

    • I think we celebrated it a time or two when I was very young, then stopped. I don’t remember any ceremony or traditions, just getting a present.

    • zygotepariah

      Mine did, and this was back in the 70s and 80s. It was called my Special Day. When I was a kid, there was a party with school kids. After about age eight, I got a card and maybe a small present.

      Interestingly, we NEVER talked about adoption. I was told I was adopted as a kid, then it was never mentioned again. I know it seems odd to have a Special Day, but never actually talk about adoption, but that’s what happened. And the cards I got never specifically mentioned adoption; they were more “You’re a special daughter” cards.

      I left home at 17, which was 26 years ago, and haven’t spoken to the amother since, but she’ll still send me e-mails for my Special Day. The last one said “Happy Special Day on my Special Day that you helped to make possible”. So, really, the whole thing was about her. And, uh, I “helped to make possible”? Yep. I lost my mother, my father, my family, my name, my identity. That’s how I “helped to make possible” her finally getting a baby. You’re welcome!

  5. I tried very hard but could not view for more than n20 seconds. I got the gist, those poor kids.

  6. That is the most seriously creepy shit I’ve seen in a long, long time. What torment those kids are enduring. I’m with the one who smacks himself in the head with the maraca.

  7. anon74

    This stuff actually kind of makes me grateful to be an LDA. At least I never had to endure this horror.

  8. Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    Imagine! ……

  9. Get it off me!!!!

    Which reminds me, November is nearly upon us, so get ready for all the comfort and joy only National Adoption Month can bring us.

    Someone please hit me in the head with a maraca.

  10. For giggles, “Maraca bop” is now an Adopto-Speak Dictionary entry. Y’all rock.

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