Reactions to Searching If you’ve searched for or are thinking of searching for your natural family, what would you say to those who think your desire to search means you are unhappy in your adoptive family or had a bad childhood? If you don’t have a desire to search, what would you say to those who wonder why you have no interest in knowing where you come from?
I did search, and with the help of a search angel in North Carolina, I found my mother. (It helped very much that my non-ID info contained her birthday.)
What I said at the time to people who challenged me was “My adoptive parents are OK with it.” If they knew my a’parents, that usually shut’em up. But if they didn’t know me or my adoptive parents, I…well, it’s all in the video, although I wasn’t always so snide about it. Many people my age still believe happy adoptees don’t search, and searching is therefore evidence of bad parenting, but I’m glad it’s not an attitude I’ve encountered much lately. One gets tired of defending one’s parents.
When I’m asked about searching by someone who seems to genuinely want to know, I point them at this wonderful post by TAO.
My a’bro doesn’t want to search. Says he just isn’t interested. I don’t grill him about it, because that would be tacky and hurtful.