Day Nine: N/A

Becoming a Parent. Did becoming a parent change your perception of adoption or being adopted? Or did it strengthen what you already believe or feel? If you are not a parent, has watching your extended families expand (e.g. having nieces or nephews) changed your views on adoption or did it strengthen your views? Looking forward to your own potential parenthood: do you want kids, what strengths or challenges do you see in the future for yourself in becoming a parent? How has being adopted affected your own parenting philosophy?

I didn’t parent. I didn’t even have sex until I was almost twenty for fear I would get pregnant and have the baby taken away (even though I didn’t particularly want a baby). For the rest of my fertile years, I chose to date men who were not daddy material. I even married such a man (we’re divorced now) after making it clear to him that I never wanted children. For one thing, I knew that, no matter what kind of “co-parenting” plans we might make beforehand, I would end up doing the bulk of the work of raising the child. For another, I remembered how unhappy my a’mom was with being a stay-at-home mom.

But I think there’s a reason hiding under those reasons: I didn’t trust myself to be a mother. I didn’t trust myself to love anything that much. I thought if I saw a face that looked like mine, I would disintegrate.

It was definitely the right choice, and it was at least partly adoption-related. Nothing about watching others raise children has made me sorry about that or made me feel differently about adoption.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Day Nine: N/A

  1. EA

    I think becoming a parent made everything (all my feelings and thoughts related to adoption) much more intense. I am much more angry regarding the violation of my civil rights because not only is it affecting me but now my children. Adoptees do not have the same rights as others, we are treated much like how we feel, like aliens, we have no idea where we came from, totally screwed up.

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