Becoming a Parent. Did becoming a parent change your perception of adoption or being adopted? Or did it strengthen what you already believe or feel? If you are not a parent, has watching your extended families expand (e.g. having nieces or nephews) changed your views on adoption or did it strengthen your views? Looking forward to your own potential parenthood: do you want kids, what strengths or challenges do you see in the future for yourself in becoming a parent? How has being adopted affected your own parenting philosophy?
I didn’t parent. I didn’t even have sex until I was almost twenty for fear I would get pregnant and have the baby taken away (even though I didn’t particularly want a baby). For the rest of my fertile years, I chose to date men who were not daddy material. I even married such a man (we’re divorced now) after making it clear to him that I never wanted children. For one thing, I knew that, no matter what kind of “co-parenting” plans we might make beforehand, I would end up doing the bulk of the work of raising the child. For another, I remembered how unhappy my a’mom was with being a stay-at-home mom.
But I think there’s a reason hiding under those reasons: I didn’t trust myself to be a mother. I didn’t trust myself to love anything that much. I thought if I saw a face that looked like mine, I would disintegrate.
It was definitely the right choice, and it was at least partly adoption-related. Nothing about watching others raise children has made me sorry about that or made me feel differently about adoption.