Adoption Humor from Edie Falco

“LOL! It’s so cute how my kids think everyone came from the Baby Supermarket!”

Yeah, I thought that too. And my a’bro thought being adopted meant he would have to adopt if he ever wanted kids.

When our adoptive parents found out we believed such things, they gently corrected us. They didn’t let us think such things until we were eight years old, and they sure as shit didn’t yuck it up with other grown people about how cute we were. Not Edie! She’s a Hollywood a’mom, so she A) goes along with her adopted son’s delusion and B) TELLS THE WORLD ALL ABOUT IT!

You can’t do both, Edie. Eight is old enough to read the pretty things with Mommy on the front, you know.

“I’m thinking I’m going to wait with that as long as I can, the fact that some of the ladies keep the babies for their own. We will get to that.” She then does what every other obnoxious Hollywood mom does: congratulate herself for using the a-word at home. Well, that’s great, Lady. Your kids “know they’re adopted”–but they don’t know what that means, so they do not know they’re adopted at all, and you want to keep it that way for as long as possible, perhaps to do maximum damage? I mean, is there an adoptee crit hit table? Cause you just rolled a nat. twenty.

But hang on, Edie has a lot more to say. After she tells us how different adoption is now because there’s no stigma, she declares “The second you are handed a newborn it is yours. It doesn’t matter what body it came out of. I’ve never felt more strongly about anything in my life.”

Yanno, I realize there are people who don’t want to hear this, but IT VERY MUCH MATTERS WHAT BODY YOU COME OUT OF. It can’t matter for you and not matter for adoptees. What do you think we are, Lady? Some different species? Hey, there’s another funny thing I thought growing up!

Isn’t that a RIOT? Aren’t adopted children hilarious?

Then Ms. Falco admits she “never really thought about all of the ramifications” of adoption. Aw, Honey, who does that? Who does a silly ol’ responsible thing like prepare for a new family member when you can just buy one, take it home, and hire someone to teach it to call you Mommy?

Recap: Edie Falco’s kids think all kids come, perhaps, from under cabbage leaves or in secret underground labs where they are manufactured for adoption agencies. This is not tragic, it’s hilarious.

Adoption is nothing to be ashamed of, and that is why we never speak of it even when we all join hands and circle the table chanting “Adoption, adoption, adoption is so awesome!” before every meal. This is a  perfectly harmless way to raise a child, and it entertains dinner guests.

Genetics mean nothing, so Edie Falco doesn’t worry about having helped jettison her children’s heritage while retaining her own and living in a world where almost everyone retains their own. Now that? is funny. Adopted kids–they’re little monkeys, I’m tellinya haha.

And if you have enough money, adoption is a process you can pay and wait and pray and wade through for years, somehow never really having given a single thought to exactly what it is you are doing.

Is that funny? I can’t even fucking tell anymore.



Filed under AdoptoLand, WTF?!, You're going to Hell for this.

26 responses to “Adoption Humor from Edie Falco

  1. OMG, no stigma in adoption!!!! So cute!

  2. Hey, Edie and the adoptive mother blogger at “Millions of Miles” could be besties! In this post, she decides that telling her children they came from the cabbage patch is a waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better idea than telling them the TRUTH.

    “Man, wouldn’t adoption be so much easier if we could just tell our kids that they sprouted from a cabbage patch? Or even explaining child birth? That’s it. I’ve just made the executive decision. I’m erasing all prior history and until I decide otherwise, it is now official that ALL of my children (including the ones I gave birth to) came from the cabbage patch.”

    See what I mean? Her and Edie could be total BFFs! (A side note: This blog was in the Circle of Moms Adoption bloggers competition. I especially **love** how she likens her African child to a doll. Really???? Racism anyone?????)

    • Of *course* it was in the COM contest. Of course. At least she manages to make it sound like she’s joking about the cabbage patch thing. And then she comes out with a line like “I’m erasing all prior history” with no sense of its irony at all…none….See, you can’t do that with your non-adoptees. They know damned well who they are and where they come from. Your adoptees don’t, and it’s not funny.

      I can’t imagine not knowing by age EIGHT that I had first parents. And I sure can’t imagine my a’mom smugly claiming to the world that she had so told me I’m adopted, and isn’t she progressive? Makes me wanna kick a wall.

      • I have no idea who Edie Falco is (one of the benefits of living in Australia, I think!) but she sounds like so many APS (celebrity or not) who make it all about them,even making jokes at the expense of her “acquisitions.” I am gobsmacked at some of the things American APs say about adoptees (and I’m not singling out Americans here but we just don’t really hear about adoption in Australia; it truly is a “last resort” solution here and only ever handled by govt. agencies, never privately, so the only comments I ever read all seem to come from the U.S.A.).
        By the way, I didn’t know at age eight that I had first parents. I found that out when I was 20 because, just like Edie, my APs embraced the “erase all prior history until we decide otherwise” philosophy. As for the, “it doesn’t matter which body we came out of,” view – seriously, are these people that deluded that they really believe this to be true?
        I thought you were joking about the ranches until I clicked on the link – I don’t know whether to laugh at the lunacy of it or cry at the tragedy of it.
        Thanks for another great blog.

  3. gypsyqueen1

    “The second you are handed a newborn it is yours. It doesn’t matter what body it came out of. I’ve never felt more strongly about anything in my life.”

    Nah, Edie. The second you are handed a newborn that comes from the body of another woman you are playing impostor mommy. That should come easy for her, since she is an actress and all…

    The adopter mommy madness never ends…

    • Why can’t she, why can’t ANY of them just say, “The second I was handed this baby, I felt an overwhelming desire to love and nurture her, and I also felt a sense of gratitude/contentment [finality, whatever]. Since then, I’ve only fallen more in love with her every day, just as much as if I had given birth to her. I feel so lucky to have her in my family.”

      Isn’t that what you really mean, Edie? Then why twist reality to fit when you could just *say so*?

      • gypsyqueen1

        Yes, that would be more humane and respectful.

        I notice how most of them never, ever mention the natural mother except for in dehumanizing and degrading ways of “it doesn’t matter which body they came out of.” That is soul crushing to read, as a mother of adoption loss. It hurts to the very core of my being.

      • Gratitude? Whatever for? She deserved those babies. They were made for her.

      • heathermother

        I love the way you worded this. I keep coming back to read because it speaks to me. Why can’t they say these words instead?

  4. @gypsyqueen1, Of course it hurts. )-: It hurts you and mothers like you and all the adoptees who grow up knowing they should not mention their other families. The message the kids get from that is that there’s something terribly wrong with their original families, meaning there is something terribly wrong with them (the adoptees) to not even have been kept by “such terrible people.”

    If it helps, even back in 1965, my a’parents did not talk that way about my first family. They were more the “Any people you came from must have been great people” type.

    • gypsyqueen1

      Absolutely, it hurts us all 😦

      • gypsyqueen1

        and not all aparents are like Mrs Soprano herself (sorry, I just couldn’t!) Yours sound like awesome people…

      • It hurts, and nobody wants to know. I think that’s a big part of the hurt and damage, the complete lack of validation. It’s a helluva way to live your life: keeping your pain under wraps because nobody will care, or people will judge you. I did get some pretty good a’parents, but my mother sure had to suffer for that. I’m not sure she ever forgave herself.

  5. So glad you saw this little jewell. I saw it yesterday and was so freaked out for once I was at a loss for words.
    She has two adoptlings if a remember correctly what I read, at least one was a grab and run in the delivery room. Two kids that will miss growing up in their real family with two poor mothers who lost their babies. Thing is reunions happen so eventually they will find each other, and the “funny little monkeys” may be a couple of pretty pissed off young adults.
    Not to worry though what she’s doing to these kids, making it even harder for them when they realize adoption is about loss, not some cabbage supermarket. Just enjoy the little tykes antics and when they turn on you as teens perhaps there will be a movie star rehab camp for bad adoptees to throw them in.

    • Yeah…she has two. )-:

      But I must correct you one on point, Nancy. We don’t send our “disrupted” adoptees to rehab camp. No, no, no! We send them to ranches. Happy ranches! where these organic, free-range children are raised to plump, juicy perfection for your delectation, just as Nature intended. You’ll be proud to serve your guests a Ranch For Kids child! See?

      Oh…er…apparently they aren’t really ranching kids. (I haven’t been this confused since I first encountered the term “gentleman farmer.”) But they might as well be. Sooner or later, our society will require a proposal for dealing with all these discarded people.

  6. @Rose, people say stuff like “it doesn’t matter which body” instead of “I love this child as much as if s/he were my own” because the adoption is about them, not the kid. I guess they want it to be true?

    Yes, it seems ten to twenty per cent of adoptions disrupt now, and the bad product has to go somewhere.

    Surely your parents didn’t do what this woman is doing? saying “You’re adopted” but never saying “that means you have other parents”? That’s a new level of upmessedness to me.

    • Laurel, my aparents didn’t tell me I was adopted at all. I did not find out that I was adopted until I was 20 (after a family argument). They decided to tell me because I had anorexia and they didn’t want anyone to think that it had anything to do with them (according to one of my asisters – who is their blood child).

      • That’s what I thought you meant–that you were late discovery. How horrible. And the way they finally chose to tell you is unforgivable. I’m sorry you went through that. I don’t understand how people can be so cruel.

        I always knew, and there were no biological kids in the household. I think it made things easier on all of us.

      • Thanks, Laurel. I am at peace with it now but it’s taken a long, long time. I donn’t understand the mentality, either. Most of the APs I know have a mentality of ownership in regards to the adoptees in their family so that’s what I put it down to – it’s a sort of “I know what’s best for you” attitude. That’s been my observation, anyway.

  7. Some of them sure seem to. Do you suppose that, among those APs who worry they’re not up to the task, some develop a sort of…defensive parenting style? I wish I could put that into better words.

    • Yes, I think that’s a good way of putting it, Laurel – defensive parenting style. I’ve also seen this sort of parenting with people whose children are their own blood so it doesn’t seem to be isolated to just APs. From what I’ve observed, and nutted out, the “I know what’s best for you” type of parents (adoptive or bio) are controlling, and this because they are fear-filled. When I first realised this in regards to my amum it helped me understand her and gave me a compassion for her that I’d never had before.; it was a “lightbulb” moment for me.
      I was able to forgive her and see where she was coming from and grasp why she was trying to control everything and everyone. I think it may be more prevalent in APs because some have already had so much disappointment and shattering of dreams (for my APs it was infertility that drove them to adopt,as I believe it still is for most APs today) so, if the pain and loss of infertility is dealt with by adoption then chances are they are going to want to control the “situation” as much as humanly possible. Hence the “ownership” thinking.
      Infertility grief can be so consuming ( I faced it for a period of time many years ago and wouldn’t wish it on anyone) and an adoptee is supposed to “fix” that. When they don’t (not in the long term, anyway) then a defence mechanism kicks in, hence the defensive parenting style.
      I think, too, the cultural mindset that adoption, for most people, is a second choice – always was, always will be – also brings about the defensive parenting style. How else do you reconcile the fact that you’ve had to take someone else’s baby because you can’t have your own and make it look like a good thing to do?
      Just my two cents’ worth…

  8. @Heathermother, thanks!

    My a’parents weren’t perfect, but in general they *said what they meant,* and when you grow up in an atmosphere of unreality, that really helps.

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