“LOL! It’s so cute how my kids think everyone came from the Baby Supermarket!”
Yeah, I thought that too. And my a’bro thought being adopted meant he would have to adopt if he ever wanted kids.
When our adoptive parents found out we believed such things, they gently corrected us. They didn’t let us think such things until we were eight years old, and they sure as shit didn’t yuck it up with other grown people about how cute we were. Not Edie! She’s a Hollywood a’mom, so she A) goes along with her adopted son’s delusion and B) TELLS THE WORLD ALL ABOUT IT!
You can’t do both, Edie. Eight is old enough to read the pretty things with Mommy on the front, you know.
“I’m thinking I’m going to wait with that as long as I can, the fact that some of the ladies keep the babies for their own. We will get to that.” She then does what every other obnoxious Hollywood mom does: congratulate herself for using the a-word at home. Well, that’s great, Lady. Your kids “know they’re adopted”–but they don’t know what that means, so they do not know they’re adopted at all, and you want to keep it that way for as long as possible, perhaps to do maximum damage? I mean, is there an adoptee crit hit table? Cause you just rolled a nat. twenty.
But hang on, Edie has a lot more to say. After she tells us how different adoption is now because there’s no stigma, she declares “The second you are handed a newborn it is yours. It doesn’t matter what body it came out of. I’ve never felt more strongly about anything in my life.”
Yanno, I realize there are people who don’t want to hear this, but IT VERY MUCH MATTERS WHAT BODY YOU COME OUT OF. It can’t matter for you and not matter for adoptees. What do you think we are, Lady? Some different species? Hey, there’s another funny thing I thought growing up!
Isn’t that a RIOT? Aren’t adopted children hilarious?
Then Ms. Falco admits she “never really thought about all of the ramifications” of adoption. Aw, Honey, who does that? Who does a silly ol’ responsible thing like prepare for a new family member when you can just buy one, take it home, and hire someone to teach it to call you Mommy?
Recap: Edie Falco’s kids think all kids come, perhaps, from under cabbage leaves or in secret underground labs where they are manufactured for adoption agencies. This is not tragic, it’s hilarious.
Adoption is nothing to be ashamed of, and that is why we never speak of it even when we all join hands and circle the table chanting “Adoption, adoption, adoption is so awesome!” before every meal. This is a perfectly harmless way to raise a child, and it entertains dinner guests.
Genetics mean nothing, so Edie Falco doesn’t worry about having helped jettison her children’s heritage while retaining her own and living in a world where almost everyone retains their own. Now that? is funny. Adopted kids–they’re little monkeys, I’m tellinya haha.
And if you have enough money, adoption is a process you can pay and wait and pray and wade through for years, somehow never really having given a single thought to exactly what it is you are doing.
Is that funny? I can’t even fucking tell anymore.