More Praise for The You We Adore

Remember the adoption book for adoptive parents? The one that is so adoption-positive it doesn’t use the word “adoption” once? Yeah, APs still love it.

This review is extra cute, though. Check this crap out: [the author] set out to create a storybook especially for adopted kids, recognizing that despite the increasing number of adoptive families around the world, children [sic] books on the subject are all too few.

Seriously? When I was young, maybe, there was The Family That Grew and nothing else. Now the world is stuffed to its smarmy fuzzy rafters with adoption books for adoptive parents to read to their adoptive children so they (the parents, natch) can feel extra warm and cozy about adoption.

So very few books. It’s so tragic, this void that existed before someone decided adoptees are mermaids or some shit.

The review goes on, talking about Love (capitalized like that) a lot. But no mention is made of what a New and Unusual Metaphor the ‘red ribbon” is. Wonder why not?

[the reviewer] is an adoptive mother and a journalist. She is at work on a book, “The Red Thread,” a collection of stories told by families united through adoption.

Oh, I see. Money to be made, that’s why not!



Filed under AdoptoLand, Colonialism ROCKS!

19 responses to “More Praise for The You We Adore

  1. “The Family That Grew” totally blew. The title alone tells us that it is all about the adoptive parents. It’s THEIR family that grew. Maybe we should write the prequel “The Family That Fell Apart so the Other Family Could Grow.”

    • It creeped me out at a kid because (among other reasons) all the illos were so…non colorful. Wasn’t it all gray, black, and pink?

      • It was totally creepy. If I remember correctly, the illos were line drawn, very black and grey, with some drab colors added. Perhapd the drab colors were supposed to represent the pain and grief of losing our parents and families?

        True story. There was actually a “companion” book to TFTG. That book was for the adoptive parents to help them raise their little purchases. Being a precocious adoptee, I read the adoptive parent book when I was around 10-years-old. There was a whole section about how adoptive parents should handle it when their little adoptling blurts out “you’re not my real mother/father!” Having read that early on, I made sure that my adoptive parents heard the declaration as much as possible. Especially after they beat the crap out of me. Yeah. That’s how I rolled. 😉

    • Mei-Ling

      But iAdoptee, don’t you realize another family doesn’t fall apart? They just happen to not want their kids! There’s no such thing as a traumatic adoption because everyone ALWAYS has choices.

  2. So true! So vomit-inducing, so not for us adoptees.

  3. The red ribbon thing creaps me out, blood trail?. Notice not any mention the adoptee has a real family out there somewhere, but a lot is made of the search for the chosen child in mammal’s pouches, sooo heartwarming.
    No not for adoptees at all.

  4. @iAdoptee, I remember the books being together in a little box set arrangement. I think I did read the other one (I read everything in the house), but I don’t remember a thing about it.

    I was the Good Adoptee at that age. I never said it. Not once.

  5. Oh my!
    In my day there were none of these little gems of adoptobooks, an adoption fairy tale? WHAT!
    As these are new to me I spent some time on amazon looking at some of them, I’m recovering today. The one by Jamie Lee Curtis was praised for how the the subject of the child’s mother was glossed over quickly. Musn’t
    have reality intrude.
    That’s certainly arming the little adoptling with the tools needed to try to make sense of what happened to land them in their “forever family”. As I remember “chosen child” didn’t go over well with schoolmates in kindergarden who asked what happened to my real parents.

    • Kids know what being adopted is, and they don’t mind saying so. No adult ever mocked me for being adopted, but no adult ever asked me whether I “ever wondered about my real parents” either.

  6. The one adoption-ish book that gets attention at our house is Mama, and the selling point is not that the baby hippo who’s lost his mom is “adopted” by a tortoise but that it’s such a stark portrayal of how much the hippo misses and grieves for his mom. The pictures are simple and the only text is the word “Mama” (or sometimes “Baby”) and so even kids who are three or four can read it to themselves, which our adopted daughter and the foster children we had often would do when they needed to verbalize some of those emotions. My daughter is 4 and talks every day about missing her family. I think she’d immediately see the gaps in a story that didn’t acknowledge that.

  7. Mei-Ling

    I did a search on Kobo for adoption-related stuff.

    95% of the books listed were usually about how the adoptive parents grew their families, or how to make the adoption process easier, or how adoption can “sometimes” be complicated but that it usually works out.

    Funny how that works. Why are so many books adoptive-parent centric, even the ones NOT written by adoptive parents?

  8. lush

    Hey, I’m not adopted/have no real personal connection to adoption, but I stumbled on this post and it blew my mind. Because it really does make so much sense, but everyone is so snookered by the cutesy shiny “saving an orphaned child!” smokescreen of adoption that no one even THINKS about criticizing it or REALLY thinking about it from the child’s perspective(as you well know!). The thing that has always bothered me and really makes sense now is the fact that 95% of the time, when people talk about adoption, they’re talking about adopting a BABY. Everyone says child, but we all know they mean infant. And why? “Because we want to be there for every moment of our child’s life!” Not only is that selfish, but it’s total bullshit. It’s because a five-year-old has too much baggage. You can’t lie to a five-year-old and say you are her birth parents, and you can’t expect her to just drop everything and accept you as her Real Parents. And you can never really “own” her because she’s had too much life experience that didn’t involve you. It’s so fucking selfish.
    Anyway, sorry for this kind of off-topic comment, but I’ve been going through this blog over the past day or so and wanted to say that I appreciate your effort!

    • Welcome to the blog, lush, and thanks for reading! It gives me hope when someone not involved in adoption sees how obvious all its flaws are.

      “Best interests of the child,” my ass.

  9. Adoption would be better if people looking to adopt were not invisioning themselves as being parents to the child they adopt. There will always be tragic situations where parents can’t or won’t raise their children and their families can’t or won’t step into help even if there were abundant resources to keep families from falling apart there would still be times when a dependent minor was in need of some nice folks willing to raise them to adulthood. They can stay themselves and the person they adopt can stay themselves too with their own last name and their own first name. There is no reason to even hyphenate the last name to add the adoptive parents really. If they have to prove they are in a position of authority they can present the adoption paperwork. They can get all the tax breaks for having dependents and social security can dispurse funds to the person they adopted if they die before that person turns 18 – what is so hard about that? The parents stay parents but loose or relinquish custody and have no authority during that time but the child remains their child a member of their family with unaltered records. That is easy and possible they don’t have to call themselves Mom and Dad just because they are raising a kid. It’s clearly not the effort of raising children that earned them the psudo title of parent anyway because they were calling themselves parents long before the ink was dry on the adoption decree, much the same as a mother and father get named on a birth record without having hosted any sleep overs or coached any little league.. When a Grandmother has to raise her grandchildren she does not do it to becomea Mom, she keeps her identity as Grandma even if she adopts unless she’s sick in the head.

    Search Angel that does not charge a dime or take reimbursement ever ever ever.

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