The snurchin has a white-hot hate-on for people who say things like this:
Many people who are not adopted have abandonment issues and identity issues. One can’t be sure they wouldn’t have had those same issues had they remained with their original family. People have issues.
And people pluck these issues out of thin air. They’re certainly not formed by the experiences and emotions they actually have and feel. Ask any psychiatrist! Babies do very little but lie there considering whether they’ll choose abandonment or addictions or a borderline personality or what, all on their own.
And sure, everyone has the same issues adopted people have. That’s why every group, not just adoptees, is overrepresented in juvenile facilities and mental hospitals. It all makes perfect sense. Only it doesn’t, of course, because if all groups were overrepresented, there’d be no concept of overrepresentation.
From a different person, bolding mine:
I was raised in a family that would appear to be the archetypal nuclear family. There were four children, my mother was at home, we suffered no losses or upheavals in our idyllic suburban lives. Despite all that, I have never felt close to my mother (whom I resemble strongly), and I have always felt that I was never understood by my parents or siblings and that I really didn’t “belong” in the family. Unfortunately, I can’t blame any of these things on adoption, and therefore must just chalk them up to the human condition, my own personal DNA, or perhaps the fact that we all suffer from a primal wound.
With that one word, you’ve proven how little you understand about how being adopted feels and how uninterested you really are in knowing how it feels. It’s one of the most callous things I think I’ve ever read. “Nobody understands me. I wish I had been handed over to strangers so I’d never know who I am or where I came from or why my first family wasn’t raising me. I wouldn’t just feel like I didn’t belong, I’d know it in the core of my being. That would make life and Thanksgiving dinners so much easier!” What are you, eight years old?
Truly: Shame on you.
There’s more from that last person. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to learn she’s an a’parent:
I’m sure that many adopted children struggle with their identities, and I hope that I will be able to help my adopted son to understand his life story and to feel positive about himself. I hope I will be able to listen to his feelings and tell him about his birth family without interference from my own emotions.
However, I also hope that I won’t blame all his problems and all our problems on the fact that he’s adopted. As we go through our inevitable mother/son battles and his predictably stormy adolescence, I hope I will respond as his mother, not as the one who created his problems by taking him into my home.
Spare me, Lady. Plenty of parents who didn’t adopt don’t want to be the ones who caused all their kid’s problems. Your issues are probably invented, and if they aren’t, they have nothing to do with the reality that you adopted.
Really, you never felt you fit in? Well big godsdamned deal: you and every other kept child ever, so STFU asnd GTFO: you did and do belong and your feelings were a silly thing little children go through. If you chose to hold onto them into adulthood, that’s on you. Cry me Lake Erie, you whiner.
That was rude, dismissive and hurtful of me, wasn’t it? So cut it out. I mean, do you go around claiming everyone’s pain for yourself? Do you tell people of other races you know how it feels? amputees? the homeless? the opposite sex? I’ll bet you don’t. I’ll bet you only pick on adoptees because we have the nerve to occasionally say things that make you uncomfortable when we are supposed to shut up and be grateful. I don’t know why society doesn’t insist YOU shut up and be grateful you got to raise someone else’s child every single time you presume to speak about how adoptive parenting feels.
“I woke up in between/a memory and a dream…Think of me what you will;/I’ve got a little space to fill, /so let’s get to the point….You don’t know how it feels to be me.”