This was posted in the fly and is almost entirely recycled material. Sorry, Folks–Snurchin has a very busy weekend coming up–so busy that it started on Wednesday.

You Might Be an Entitled AP/PAP If

You’ve parked in a “stork parking” slot because you’re paper pregnant.

You’ve held a fundraiser to finance your adoption.

You call your children’s mother the “birth woman” or “our birth mother.” Bonus points for abbreviating it to “BM.”

You have ever referred to any pregnant woman as a “birth mother.”

You tell the agency you want a child that looks like you.

You complain that adoption costs too much money.

You leave comments on adoption-related news stories defending the actions of “parents” like Anita Tedaldi, the Poeterays, Torry Hansen, and Rosie O’Donnell.

You tell anyone who asks that you adopted overseas so you wouldn’t have to deal with the child’s original family.

You believe without researching them, and repeat to others, horror stories. Like the one about the adoption that was legally and properly completed and the first mother showed up years later and legally got the child back.

You bemoan the “healthy white infant shortage” in American adoption.

You describe your adoption choices as being “right for me and my family” rather than for the child you plan to add to your family.

You give your seven-year-old adoptee a new name to “match” the names of your born children, which have a theme of some sort.

You know in your heart that God wants you to have this baby.

You expect to accompany “your birth mother” to OB/GYN appointments. Triple bonus points for being in the delivery room with her, cutting the cord, and/or giving her a stuffed animal to replace the baby like in all those horrid Adoption Stories episodes.

You plan an adoption “ceremony” in which “your birth mother” is expected to participate.

You don’t tell your child s/he is adopted, or you ask whether or not you ought to tell, or you consider not telling the child. What is this, 1950?

You discount, without research or even consideration, anything bad or troublesome you hear about an adoption or about adoption in general.

You agree to an open adoption, but close it when this becomes inconvenient.

You believe love alone equips you to raise any child or a particular child. Children, like every other living thing, require more than love in order to thrive.

You think of adoption as providing you a child, rather than providing a child a home.



Filed under Stop Saying That, Those Wacky PAPs

8 responses to “Entitlement

  1. and of course it was ordained by g-d, all orphans need saving and life can be so much better when you know you’re going to heaven

  2. boo-baby

    My a-mother actually tells *me* (now adult infant-adoptee) that she/they adopted because “We wanted a large family.” “We” is actually HER, not THEM. While my a-father is hardly blameless (for oh-so-many reasons) he has told me on many occasions that he would have been “perfectly happy with one or two [pauses thoughtfully] or none if it had turned out that way.” UGH!
    Entitlement at its finest! And, if you ask me, jealously and a touch of monkey-see/monkey-do as she (a-mother) is the youngest in a ‘large family’ and all of her siblings have ‘large families’ and each except one of them has also adopted.
    I grew up around a lot of adoption pain (almost all within the adoptees ourselves).

    Thanks for the post! I love your blog!

  3. Christina

    My APs didn’t tell me I was adopted until I was 20 and only then because they had had enough of my “ingratitude” and wanted me to know what an ungrateful little so-and-so I was. Sounds like they qualify as “entitled.”!
    As for giving the new mum a stuffed toy in place of the baby…I am gobsmacked.

  4. @eagoodlife, did you know we’re ALL adopted?


    Thanks for reading and commenting, Boo-Baby! But adoption means you were *wanted,* amirite?! UGH.

    Thanks, cb!

    @Christina, I swear, there was this TV series called Adoption Stories about international or domestic pre-birth matching adoptions. In the latter case, there was often a stuffed animal handoff. (Hike!) It ran on Discovery Health. Warning: Nobody should watch this show ever.


  5. “If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior – you have been adopted by God as a son or daughter.” Phew!!!That’s ok then, knew there had to be a let our clause there somewhere! About the only choice I’ve ever had about adoption!!
    My fave was the blankie project where fellow mothers took a nice cuddly blankie to mothers still in hosital who had just been relieved of their babies.Beats a cuddly toy any day!

    • Christina

      Whenever I hear the Bible used to justify adoption I get really annoyed (and this is speaking as a Christian). Adoption as mentioned in the New Testament (where they’re quoting from) was about ensuring rights of inheritance and was entered into as a mutual contract between two agreeing ADULTS. Nothing to do with taking someone else’s child and all living “happily ever after” because that’s what God ordained. Moses was adopted as a baby and when he was an adult he went back to “his own people” – and they weren’t the Egyptians!

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