A Thing That Gets My Spines Up

Adoptees who say they’re glad they were born before Roe v Wade. In response to an FB comment of mine, someone wrote:

“I dont hate adoption…im thankful abortion wasnt an option in 1970…Had a good life with adoptive family.. i now have my own family and as of last year i now have my bio family in my life…doent sound bad to me…..i understand not everyones experience is positive but i do think for some of us it was.”

(Note that even a fellow adoptee who reads my beef about adoption assumes it was because I had terrible parents. How is it, anyway, that such a Wonderful Institution manages to place so many children with terrible parents that they’re assumed to be the default if one says adoption is only 99% wonderful?)

At any rate, I’m not glad that my mother or any woman was made a slave to her reproductive system, but she was. The morals of those around her and her inability to get birth control, let alone an abortion, in 1964 made her a slave, and that’s nothing to be glad about. Not at all. Her story is not mine to tell, but it involved doing time in a “home for unwed mothers” in another state. How horrible it must have been to be pregnant and alone and ashamed and frightened.

There are better ways of getting into this world. I’m glad to be here, but I refuse to celebrate how it happened. It should be every woman’s right to decide whether or not she wants to be pregnant, or wants to raise a child.

The person quoted above is male. I can understand his point of view; it’s probably influenced by the fact that he’s never lived in terror of being pregnant, and he lives in a society that encourages him to think of a woman’s body as public property.

Naw, fuck that, he was obviously adopted by terrible parents who failed to teach him empathy.



Filed under Adopted And Happy!, Stop Saying That, What It's Like, WTF?!

5 responses to “A Thing That Gets My Spines Up

  1. The industry certainly has successfully done their job on ensuring that if the slightest whisper of adoption-isn’t-the-best-solution-always-and-always-is-only-good-good-best then it must be because you had a “bad experience”.

    I am so tired of that “statement” which takes a human being a dissolves them into simply a cut-out paper doll with one side saying “good experience” and the flip side saying “bad experience”, dismissing the concept of having the ability to see “bad in good” and “good in bad” and still not be satisfied that it can’t be refined to be better.

    I sometimes wonder what life would be like if no one ever tried to improve something. Take the concept of radio’s that were so important that the 1930 census asked whether you had a radio in your home. That it must be the be all and end all of technology – no refinement needed…what would the world be like if we all still had ONLY radio’s. That same look at what is lacking and make it better has been applied in the technology sector, the mental health sector, the aviation sector, the medical sector, every sector – except in adoption the concept got turned around and it became a game of how to create the most adoptees – instead of how to not need to create more adoptees. Sorry I know this is off tangent and people may shake their heads at the turn I took but it made sense to my brain that is low on coffee.

  2. Very well said. (No wonder I read you guys’ blog!) (-:

    It’s either “your terrible experience” or “languishing in orphanages,” about which I may well post tomorrow.

  3. Von

    My mother did time too, a lot of it, scrubbing floors well into pregnancy under the care of the Methodists who saw us all as ‘the unfortunates’. She was shamed, guilted and stigmatised.She never recovered, a broken woman for life.Would she have had an abortion, she never said but she should ahve had the opportunity if she wanted or needed it.
    I too am sick of the assumptions about my life and the lives of other adoptees.Criticise my politics, my cooking,my principles, anything but do not ever make assumptions about my life.’Maelstrom of pain’ anyone?

  4. clair8y

    Abortion was an option in 1970, before 1970 and after 1970. It just wasn’t legal or safe.

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